1/16/13

Two Weeks Until... ONE! I'm freaking out!

Oh My GAAAAWWWD!!  

Oliver is going to be one-year-old in two weeks.  Holy shit, I think I am going to be sick. No, I am going to cry. Oh God, I am going to do both.  Why is this happening?  Why?  Where did my beautiful first year with my baby go?  I'll tell you where it went, Father-freaking-Time hates me. He sped up the clock, while Mother-freaking-Nature made my baby grow and develop off the charts. Then Murphy's-asshole-Law taught him to walk out of my arms, across the room and then look back and laugh at me.






My baby is almost no longer able to be classified as a baby. Isn't it once a baby turns one-year-old, he is no longer a baby? I'm just sick! What am I going to do... after I cry and puke? I can't take it! The first stranger that asks me how old he is, is going to get a sobbing crazy lady! I don't want to say he is a year old.

HOLY. SHIT. BUCKETS!!!!  I just had an epiphany! Or is it a realization?... Anyway...

I just figured out why I have had moms tell me their baby is, "15-months-old"  In fact I have even heard a mom say her "baby" is "22-months-old." I used to think, why didn't she just say her child was a little over a year and a half, or almost two? BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I totally get it!!! They didn't want to have to say a year and anything old.

YEAH BOY!!! I don't have to do it either. Hell yeah! I am so relieved.  I am so glad I wrote this post before I cried and puked. It's official, Oliver's sweet baby bottom will be so many months old until further notice! I really do feel so much better... I LOVE denial. Good times...

And don't worry, even though I have had this incredibly brilliant epiphany-realization, I will still acknowledge, and super celebrate, his 1st birthday.  I have every intention of letting him have a big party and "Smash Cake."  I also have every intention of making it sugar free and organic.  It will be made from apples, bananas and carrots, and be yummy!  Just kidding... I am not completely certifiable... yet.

Anyways, in a little over 2-weeks, super baby will be 1-year-old... Oh no, I think I am about to start the spiral again... I just cannot believe it.  The time really has just flown by.  I intend to relish every single one of my last days (minutes) of having a baby under 12-months-old... Oh, and to be on the safe side, I am going to call a therapist just in case I cry, puke and crap my pants. The final count down has begun...








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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

11 Comments:

Unknown said...

Oh hunny, I think we all passed the baby zone long ago - I was searching a parenting website for something about Isaiah and ALL the results came back under Toddler. Not infant, not baby. TODDLER. Waaaaaaahhhhh big boys. Apparently infant is from 6 months till they start to walk, sorry to stomp on your denial-dance shoes :-(

I get pushed away if I nag for kisses, I get kidney punched if I try baby snuggles, and heaven forbid I try to have a cuddle while he's having a bottle!

On a sidenote, that mama in the picture is depressing - she has a waistline. Mine disappeared at 10 weeks preggers and has yet to show up again! Lol

I suggest we practice our skip counting now - 1 year is 12 months, 2 years is 24 months, 3 years is 36 months... 4 years is 48 months...

Claire said...

Don't want to burst your bubble, it broke my heart when they told me. newborn is 0-3 months, 3-9 months is baby, 9months -3 is toddler, 4-10 is child and 10+ are now teenagers. amber was just over 9months when i was are the gp and they told me 'well technically she's a toddler now' inside i was shouting hell no, i'll show you technically!!!

I've delt with amber growing badly since she's my last i keep thinking this is the last time i'll be mum to a newborn etc hubby thinks i'm nuts! X

Kristy J said...

You're totally allowed to cry and puke and have a meltdown, it's crazy how fast time goes. Avery J is already almost 7 months. I just can't get over how fast it's all going. The ride is exhausting but so much fun.
Smash Cake sounds awesome! I want to start implementing those into my birthday...is that allowed?
Is he going to have a theme party?

Karen @BakingInATornado said...

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm the Mom of a 198 month old!

Unknown said...

My cousin had a baby 5 days ago and it makes my 2 1/2 year old baby look like a MONSTER! I can't believe my baby girl is already as old as she is. And my first baby is in KINDERGARTEN! But, as much as I relish tiny babies - I love hanging out with my bigger kids too. They make me laugh (and my hair fall out) and watching their little personalities come to life is priceless. Happy smash cake!
Tracy @ Momaical

Unknown said...

Ahahahahahahaha love you Karen!

Unknown said...

Wahoo! Trust me- all of a sudden EVERYONE- even two guys in maybe their 30's today at Target- asked me how old he is. The one guy says- see! I told you about a year, and the other argued... Ummmm. Anyway- if it makes you feel better I both qualify the "he just turned a year" with- but he wasn't supposed to be 1 until February! Ummmm... yeah. I may just be certifiable.... :)

Jen Provenzano said...

One day at a time sister...one day at a time. Mine will be two in May. Trust me when I tell you that it keeps getting cooler. Watching them turn into actual people is AMAZING! Babies are wonderful...but I'm serious when I say that the first time you hear an actual "I LOVE YOU MOMMY"...it's gonna rock your freaking socks right off!!!

Unknown said...

I still call my 2.5 year old a baby. I hope I can get over that by the time she is 35.

Time seriously does speed up after a baby is born. It's like you fall into a time-warp or something!

Alexandra said...

My baby will always stay my baby and there's nothing she can do about it! :)

Quirky Chrissy said...

LOL I always wondered the same damn thing. I suppose that makes sense though. That and the fact that babies and toddlers change so rapidly in their first 2 years that it's easier to tell what stage they're at.

My mom still calls me her baby. And I'm almost 30.

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