MOMMY FAIL #11 Do you have Poison Control on speed dial? Now we do...

Oliver is not awesome to take shopping.  Is any baby/toddler... Sorry I digress... So, to offset his boredom and crazy behavior, I give Ollie bribes toys bribes while shopping. Of course I start off with our own toys and food, but when he is over that, I just start grabbing the first thing I think he will like.

First of all, this photo was take about 6 months ago...
 Look at my sweet little baby!!!  Where the hell did the time go?!
Second, I use one of those cart/trolley liners.
 I LOVE that thing.
As you can see, I have links hooked to it,
and rotate the toys attached to the links regularly. 

Here is an example of how random my choices of crap to give Ollie are.
Why yes, that is one of those massive popcorn tins...
To Ollie it is an awesome drum!

FYI: I am so bad about this, that once he has chewed on, or thrown down, the random thing I have picked out, I just pick out something new.  Yes, I know that might be frowned upon by management, but so is a screaming baby in aisle 9.


The other day while shopping at the Dollar Tree (Everything is a dollar store), I was throwing crap toys at Ollie left and right. The next thing I know, I look down and he has yellow paint all around his mouth. Needless to say, I freak out! I mean, holy-crap-my-baby-is-going-to-die freak out! I take the toy, read that it is in fact a DOG TOY!!!  and that it is made in China. I crap my pants, and call my sister for help.

My (Big) sister is my best friend and mother to two boys, I knew she would know what to do. I explained to her that I was the worst mother in the world, because Ollie had yellow paint all over his face from chewing on dog toy, that I gave him. When she was finished laughing at me, she said to calm down, it was probably ok, but to call poison control to be on the safe side. She immediately texted the contact information for PC to my phone. I laughed at her for having them on speed dial, and she said, all parents should, especially those with two boys.

I hung up with my sister and called PC immediately. The very calm, understanding and all around sweet grandmother like Poison Control Expert*, first asked where it was made.  I told her, China. Next she said, the toy should not have any lead paint, but with any internationally made toy, you never really know 100%. Then she said, "It would take a few meals of toys to add up to a significant amount of lead to poison him, so don't worry."  She recommended giving him water and something to eat to get the taste out of his mouth.  And that was it.

I hung up, looked at a happy smiling Ollie grabbing for more crap Dollar Store junk, and decided that he was probably going to be ok.  We checked out, and went to the car where I fed him puffs and water. I wiped his face of the yellow paint, and realized that I needed to be more careful about what I give little man, since he still sticks EVERYTHING in his mouth.

*Side Note:  Did you know the person who answers the phone at Poison Control is not just an operator sitting at a computer reading a prompt and searching for the stock answer?  They are actually Pharmacists, Nurses and physicians AND are all certified as poison information specialists too!  WHO KNEW???   So not only are they kind, and knowledgeable... they are certified super knowledgeable.

Moral of the story:  MOMMY FAIL!
Lesson Learned: Ollie is not ready for any ol' crap bribe, just so I can have a few minutes of peace while shopping. I need to make sure it is safe for him to put in his mouth, because nine times out of ten, that is the first place the thing is going.
Bright Side: I have the number for Poison Control in my phone now!

I know... I am not right on so many levels.

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit