Is my baby in there waiting to come out?

Last night while I was laying in bed, rapt with cramping and discomfort from my newly returned monthly visitor, I had this moment where I actually thought I was feeling the egg break apart inside of me.  I couldn't help but think about that egg and what possibilities it held before I began to shed it.  It was then that I realized that little egg could have been my number 2, Ollie's sibling.

Never in my life have I cared about my period. I hate periods and all the annoying hassle and mess that goes along with them.  Is there a woman who doesn't?  Regardless, I am a woman, I ovulate, that's just how nature rolls. In fact, I read somewhere that females are born with all of their eggs. We do not produce them during our lifetime, only 'drop' them.

Laying there, feeling this egg break apart, made me a little sad.  I couldn't help but think about the amazing cycle of life, and how the human body and nature work. Since I know I want to have a number 2, should I be playing games with nature by not taking advantage of each opportunity I am given?

Ugh. Life was so much easier when I lived in ignorant bliss. Why am I so obsessed with each egg now?  Don't I have faith in God and nature? Shouldn't I trust that just like with Ollie, I will be blessed with a baby when the time is right?   Dammit, I hate the crazy hormones that come alone with ovulating, I think I am loosing it, or maybe just over thinking it.

But then... this morning in the car I told FTD about my fears of letting the opportunity of giving Ollie a sibling pass, by letting each egg shed without taking advantage of it. I am 34 after all...  He really didn't give me much of an answer other than that he was happy to hear me talking about it, and even thinking about a number 2.

Then he looked down at Ollie... yes looked down at Ollie, FTD sits in the back seat with Ollie more times than not. He insists it is because, "He might get lonely back there all alone, he is just a little baby you know!"  Everyone laughs at him for it, but he doesn't care, he climbs in the back seat happy to keep him company, or really just play with him.

I digress... FTD's talk with Ollie.

He looked down at Ollie and said...

"Your sister Vienna is still in your mummy's tummy. You chose to come out first, but next your sister will be coming."

It is crazy to think about it like that...  Have my chosen children always been in my 'tummy', just waiting for the right time to come out?

If I let myself think to far into that, I will go mad. All I can really do is sit back, relax and faith faith in the plan. 

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Unknown said...

I hate that time of the month too!! I was crazy enough to hope that the last time would be the last time and I would suddenly enter menopause!
Anyway, enough about myself....I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for you! :))

SnarkfestBlog said...

One is like none, 2 is like 10. Someone told me that when I was pregnant with my youngest. All in good time. :)

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

OH, I am still not ready... I told FTD we could start "trying" in July...

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

I've something like that... however, 10! I don;t want 10 or anything like it! My little one is toooooo much sometimes!

Unknown said...

I think of all the posts you've written in the past year and a half, this one was the most shocking to me. I'm not sure if it was the initial sentiment over the egg (which I've had happen to me right before I got pregnant with Kaely, and then again with Chase), or FTD's chat with Ollie... I hope if nothing else, you make sure to publish a book of these posts for Ollie when he's older - you are an amazing family- can't wait to watch you all go through #2!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thank you... I think... I will save these for Ollie, although I worry about some of them. We think we are pretty awesome ;)

Unknown said...

Oh wow, July huh? Exciting!
A very powerful sentiment though, I remember when we were TTC I thought of every monthly visit as a missed chance, but that was very much for a 'generic' baby. I haven't thought the same way since Isaiah was born, but it is so true - every month is a potentially different personality, a potentially different little person. You got me all clucky now, nawwwwwww.

Marianne said...


And I still feel a little twinge of loss with each monthly visitor. I probably would have been a Duggar is my doc hadn't cut me off at 3.

Anonymous said...

I am OBSESSED with your blog!! I am a new mom, grew up in Miami and my husband blurts out inappropriate things all the time!! You saved my life literally! Because of you I realized I was not alone with the crazy fears and thoughts I had bringing my new baby home.....please keep writing!!