11-Months Old. The Man-child and Me

It's that time again... Observations of my baby at 11-months old, and me postpartum.  At first I was not going to write this post, but then I realized that would be Silly-Stupid.  I have documented every month of pregnancy and post birth, I cannot stop before his first birthday!

Anyways, lets get down to business.

Observations of my baby (Massive Man-Child) at 11-Months-Old:

1.  I am just going to have to start off with, he is so on the edge of no longer being a baby, I want to throw a tantrum.  He is 30 inches long, and nearly 30 pounds! The man-child is busting out of his #4 Pampers. He is a full blown Bab-ler (Baby + Toddler= Bab-ler). SO SAD!  It's like my friend Shay said: She put her 2-week-old bundle down for a nap, and came back to find an 11-month-old. To that I say, ME TOO!  Dammit! It goes so damn fast!

2.  He is sleeping through the night now. Effing Finally!  I look back to the 6-week mark when I thought he might start sleeping through the night... HA! Not until 11-months! At least it finally happened... Our nightly routine starts with dinner at 6:30, then bath time, FTD plays with him a little, then I nurse him and then off to bed, usually by 8pm. He is pretty good about not getting back up before 7am.  WHOO HOO! He also still sleeps in a sleep sack.

3. His naps are so unpredictable. He almost always goes down for his naps at 10am and 3pm, however, sometimes the nap lasts for 30-minutes, sometimes for 2-hours and most times somewhere in between 30-minutes and 2-Hours.  I would give anything for that to level out and become predictable!

4. He eats like a toddler!  For breakfast it's 1-2 scrambled eggs with white cheddar cheese, fruit and Vegemite toast.  Sometimes he eats oatmeal instead of eggs.  Lunch is apple sauce, yogurt, 1-2 pouches of Plum Organics baby food and a vegetable of some sort. Dinner is chicken, fish or beef, with veggies and fruit. I give him a sippy cup of water and a pile of puffs mid day for a snack and let him graze off of the puffs until they are gone.  He nurses at 7:30 pm, 7am, 10am and 3 pm.  I am getting ready to start weening him... stay tuned for that excitement. Oh, and we brush after each meal!

5. We have self sufficient mobility! He is walking up to 8 steps without any help. He spends most of his day pulling himself up to a standing position and trying to take a few steps before falling down.  I am going to buy him a stand-up activity table this week and see how we go.  (Little tip: I take him to Babies R Us to let him test out the ones on display, figure out what he likes and then go find it second hand!)

6. He is talking up a storm.  All day long he tells me how it is, and the news of the day. The only problem, I have no clue what he is saying after, momma, daddy, up, water and that. He is the King of babble.  I asked my nephews if they could understand him since they were kids... they made up nonsense words and agreed it was "Ollie Speak." To be honest, FTD and I are still working on our potty mouths, so it's probably best he can't speak.  I am pretty sure there is a Twitter bet going around that has $20 on Ollie's first word being shit.  Take the bet...

7. His favorite activities are, clawing me in the face, trying to cave my chest in by pushing away when I am trying to hold him, standing up on his toys to see over the table, crawling over ANYTHING in his path-cat included, throwing the ball back and forth, pointing at things and saying whaz dat (Well, we think it's waz dat.) He also loves dumping over the cat food, my cups of water, and emptying out the kitchen cabinets.  Yesterday  FTD got safety things to keep them closed, my pony tail holders didn't do the business well enough.
Side Note:Fany Pants, thanks for the Jammies.

8. His favorite toys are big trucks he can push around, Hot Wheels he can hold in his hand, balls he can throw and our iPhones.  He also loves anything that lights up and makes noise... I want to smash them when I walk by at night, somehow I start a domino effect that lights them all up.

9. He wears size 18-24 month clothes, and his feet are ridiculously big. They are so fat and wide that socks cut off his circulation, and shoes are hell to get on.  It's so freaking annoying, I just let him wear footy PJ's or one piece footy suits when we go out.  I cannot be bothered to force socks and shoes on his ape like feet!

10.  He is so awesome.  I am so blessed and lucky!  He is so happy, and has such a wonderful disposition. He laughs out of nowhere!  He plays well by himself, and is so sweet when he is not trying to smash me in the face... actually, I love that too. I am just so thankful for him. I hate how fast time goes. I just want to freeze time and enjoy the sweet baby that he is today. I am so afraid tomorrow will be the day he walks away and never wants to be held again!

Alright... on to my 11-month postpartum ass.  Yeah, I am pretty sure I am going to be postpartum for the rest of my life...

1.  Seriously, my ass is still pregnancy plump. I still have an awesome flabby pouch and my milk factories are massive.

2.  I am still nursing, which you already know, but did you know, thanks to nursing my gargantuan boobies are also in a race to my knees? And thanks to their massive size, they are half way there and I am only 34-years-old!  I mean really?  For fucks-sake...

3. I have 101 reasons (excuses) for not loosing my baby weight. I am nearly certain that by the end of the winter season, I will be up to 200 reasons (excuses) and ready to write a book.  "200 reasons why it's not my fault I have a fat ass, and my tits are resting on my knees."

4. As some of you may know, my Aunt Flo returned last week. That is another big, for fucks-sake right there.  But I have to admit, since her return, or really since her departure, I have been in a better mood. FTD is actually funny again!  He is still an annoying shit, but I can laugh at him again. Of course it is still in between yelling, "YOU CANNOT SAY THAT IN PUBLIC!" I think this might be my hormones leveling back out.

5. I wash dishes ALL DAMN DAY LONG!  What the hell is that?  What is it about becoming a mother that it is now my job to stand at the kitchen sink and hand wash everything that comes in contact with Oliver's food and mouth? I am SO over it.

6. Everyday I wonder if tomorrow will be the day I get off my fat ass during Oliver's nap-time and do some Tae-bo or something, because everyday I say I will... tomorrow...

7. I love being Oliver's mom.  I would not trade it for the world... However, I would be lying if I said I didn't freak out sometimes and feel tied down. I worry that I will NEVER EVER be able to go out on the town and not spend the entire time worrying about Ollie. Or be afraid I might drink too much, and be unable to care for him in an emergency. Basically, I worry about everything a super selfish shit would worry about when faced with spending the rest of my life responsible for a human.  I know at 18 he is an adult, but we all know that is not when a mother detaches!  Still, I would gladly take the confines of motherhood, over "freedom" any day. But that doesn't mean I don't get claustrophobic and want to spend 24-hours running wild... in my dreams...

8. Still, all that being said, now that Ollie is sleeping through the night I am planning on having my first girls-night out, where I actually drink more than one cocktail and am not home by 10pm!  I really am finally getting some of my life back.  I don't regret devoting so much time to Oliver's first year.  It was necessary to nurture and grow my badass baby and become a badass mom.

9. FTD and I are settling into the routine and equal parenting duties.  I feed, he bathes, I nurse, he gets Ollie all the way to sleep on nights he stays up fussing. (We still do not have the balls to let him Cry-it-out) On the weekends, we take turns sleeping in, and taking naps.  We are really becoming a great parenting team. We let each other have the breaks we need, while still giving Ollie the attention he needs.  I am really proud of this.

10.  I am a badass.  I really am! I love my son so much and have learned there is plenty of room for a comfortable balance between being a mom and being just me.  I let him play alone, watching from a safe distance, and don't beat myself up for not making the most of every single moment of the day with him. I have got this mom thing down for the most part! I give lots of love, have lots of patience and am still ready for everything to change.  Motherhood is a crazy ass journey, filled with so many wild adventures. I am loving every bit of it...

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com