I have spent this entire year devoting my life to my baby. I am not sorry for that. Not even a tiny bit. I will never get this time back, so devoting 100% of myself to my beautiful baby is by no means a waste of my life or time. But, now... now it's time for me to find a better balance in my life. It's time to find me.
I shouldn't admit this, but I am a regular repeat offender with outfits. If the sweatpants fit... Why not rock em' out? I will throw on clothes off the floor without a second thought. Ollie doesn't care what I wear. Well, now I do. I don't want to be a frumpy mummy any more. It's not about anyone else, I have got to start dressing up for me. Even if it is easier to be a repeat offender, I have to stop it. When I dress up, I feel so much better about myself. My overall outlook on the day, and even life, improve when I take the time to put myself together. So why don't I do it more often?
What scares me most, even more than the number of times I have left the house in sweatpants, is that I am not sure who I am anymore. I got pregnant right after my 33rd birthday, and now I am nearly 35! Shit! I have been altering my life to accommodate my son for so long that I have no idea what makes me tick anymore. I am too old for MTV, and too young for Lifetime... Where do I fit in? What makes me happy, besides my son? What fulfills me? Where do I want to go in 2013?
I know I cannot be alone here. Pregnancy and motherhood are major life changing events! How do I reel it all in to create a nice balance between me and my baby? I admit, I have delegation issues. Even simple things like going out on my own for an hour or so without worrying about my baby is next to impossible. I trust FTD, but I still cannot help but worry. Oliver is almost 11 months old and I have not been away from him for more than 3 hours! Possibly even 2 hours. FTD and I have not had a date since the night before I delivered. I know that is not healthy at all. I have got to detach. I have got to make a point of it.
I do not do well with New Years Resolutions, but this year I have to make a change for myself, for my sanity, for my family. I have to invest time in me. I am not even going to lie to you and myself and say, I will fix me and find me over night. I am serious about this, I am sick of being frumpy and feeling sorry for myself! It's time to get bad ass and back to me! Who ever that is...
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24 comments:
Me too! But I have been away from Baby L for more than 3 hours... although I left her with Hubbs when I was gone that long. And that was before she noticed I'd be gone.
Recently, she has commandeered my entire life, including my food. Even with the same thing on her plate, apparently mine tastes better!
So yeah, it's almost time to lay down the law and reclaim a little bit of the snarky that was once me, before I became this mushy gooshy baby-loving blob!
I'm with ya! I got preggers at 28, and then bam! I'm 30 on Tuesday!!! Preggers in late twenties... then in my thirties 1 pregnancy later. Argh!
It is a challenge to figure out the 'new' you. I dunno about you, but I don't think I have had even a minute since Isaiah was born that I haven't had him either at the forefront of my mind or at the very very veerrryy least the back of my mind. He is just the centre of everything now, but you're totally right, he can't be the whole of everything, as easy and as tempting as it is.
I'm starting to take baby steps to get myself back - a hair colour change, a new tattoo (well booked in anyways), things I did pre-bubba.
As for date nights... hmmmm, I dunno maybe when he's 18??
We get away once in a while, probably once every few weeks, for a max of about 3 hours. Luckily we have family willing to relieve us every now and then. But I'm the same, wearing lounge pants, don't get my hair brushed til after 5 pm most days, not knowing who I am anymore, not working is driving me crazy I think. I need to get back to work before February, hopefully I can find something. I think things will fall into place after that. I think this is a good resolution, I want to make it mine as well. <3
I'm pretty sure one of my gifts this holiday season is enrolling my baby into a parents day out program. For 4 hours twice a week I will get to be just me. Which will probably involve doing all the things that are easier to do without a baby. But I promise myself there will be naps, lunches with friends, hair cuts, and exercise.
Make small goals for yourself. I started making a list of the things that I wanted/needed to add back into my life since James was born. Somethings like gettind dressed and putting make-up on every day are easier somethings like take him to church more often are harder (mostly because of his napping schedule).
As I add things in little by little I feel empowered to do/try more and I feel more like me!! Next on my list?? Getting into a regular workout routine. Right now I think to myself... I work 9+ hours a day which leaves about 3 hours to spend with my son.. I don't want to waste a single second working out.... But I will feel healthier, look healthier and get back to feeling like sexy me if I can make time for that. So I am going to start with 2 weeknights for 30 mins working out and getting in some longer workouts on the weekends. Go out on a date with FTD too!! Andy and I have had 3-4 date nights now and it feels AMAZING to reconnect. Plus Ollie will do just fine with a babysitter... trust me :)
You are not alone. I think all first time moms have problems rediscovering who they are outside of "mom". I struggle with it on a daily basis. It's so much easier to just run around in an oversized shirt and sweat pants with hideous house shoes on(I do not go out in public like that) than dress up to hang out in my house with an infant. I do make it a point that every two weeks I go out and do something for myself. It was so hard at first but I feel like a better mommy after I do it. Good luck with your resolution! You can do it!!!
I love this post, my little one is 8 months old and like you ive devoted every minute into making him the happy little cheeky boy that he is, but its nearly time for me to go back to work and get some other aspect of my life back. A little bit daunting, but very much needed.
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I feel better when I get dressed up and go through phases where I get dressed and wear makeup for a week, but then it gets too exhausting and I get back into the frump. It's hard to find balance when you are tired all the time. It's hard too when you can't find a babysitter. We don't get out much anymore at all. It really is terrible.
You will find the new and improved YOU! You can't go back to the person you were before Ollie - because that person no longer exists. But you can reinvent yourself with the things you liked best about your former "self" and then mix in the new fabulous mommy elements! You will still have those times when you rock sweatpants and hoodies. No sleep deprived mom would ever judge you for that! But, the new you will emerge - have no fear!
Tracy @ Momaical
Best New Year's Resolution ever! Hope you don't mind if I copy it ;)
I am terrified of using a babysitter, and I have friends who have offered to sit but I have never asked them. Just when I get the nerve to do something away from him "for me", somebody passes one of those heartbreaking blogs around facebook about sick kids, I read it, and end up clutching myself to my baby "because he could die at any time!". I wish I could not read those blogs when they pop up on facebook, they make me crazy! FTM, I look forward to your journey back to "me", hope it helps me!
I know what you mean. SOmetimes I look at Ollie and get scared. ha is so sweet and gentle, I cannot even... Yeah, we will not be using sitters any time soon (ever)
Oh I am already the mushy googhy momma. yuck!
ooooh! I loved trning 30... I was ready to not be a 20something annymore. I can;t wait to see the hair and tat!!!
The hair brushing is a big one too! I know work will help me big time too. Adults. I long for them.
I'm so jealous! I am not ready for the parents day out yet. soon... I hope.
Exersize is HUGE! I really need to make that a priority!
THat's just it, I am a much better mom when I look after myself too. I am making me a priority!
The back to work with adults sounds so wonderful. I'm getting there...
That's my thing, It takes a lot of time to get put together. Time I could spend doing SO many other things. It;s hard to rationalixe it ALL of the time.
Thank you Tracy!! I LOVE your comment, so true!
Are you kidding? I was hoping we could use the buddy sytem to pull each other through!
Since I lost my job in October, I think I've worn sweat pants 85% of the time. I need to get back in the grove, too. I'll join your little revolution. Errr resolution. :)
Age is just a number....you go ahead and wear whatever your heart desires and rock it!
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