(I originally posted this on Tiredofbeingpregnant.com. I did not make this up. But, I cannot for the life of me remember where I found it.)
BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month
The Baby clothes:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up
the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing
Pacifier/Dummies:
1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can
go home and wash and sterilize it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some
juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diaper/Nappy changing:
1st baby: You change your baby's nappies every hour, whether they need
it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees
blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!
And last a few of my favorite Jokes about pregnancy...
How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
~If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I’m pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
~Not if you don’t mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.
What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
~It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
A little boy went up to a pregnant woman and asked: "Why is your tummy so fat?" "There's a baby growing in there," she cheerfully told him. The little one waited a few seconds then asked: "So what's growing in your backside?"
And last....
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