Only a baby can get away with...

Babies are so sweet, so cute, and so freaking naughty. They can get away with just about anything. Below are a few of the behaviors not only can a baby can get away with, but has made completely socially acceptable until at least they are one year old!

  1. Crap in their pants and scream until someone wipes their ass. And that's ok!
  2. Put their foot in their mouth and be praised for it.
  3. Pee on your foot and make you feel like it was somehow your fault.
  4. Throw food at you as an acceptable way to convey the message that your food sucks.
  5. Smash you in the face, repeatedly, as a way to let you know how excited they are.
  6. Pull on your hair until your eyes fill with tears, and not get in trouble for it. 
  7. Scream and cry to get what they want. And the louder they cry, the faster they get it. 
  8. Take off their sock seconds after having them put on... over and over and over again.
  9. Party all night and sleep all day, but still make sure you are up the full 24. 
  10. Make you go broke and feel SO damn good about it! 

And now for FTD's list....
  1. Vomit in your mouth, puke in your hair
  2. Flirt with multiple ladies in the supermarket
  3. Tie up the TV watching 8 hours of Teletubbies when the football finals are on
  4. Pull the cats' tail out of its socket
  5. Smash up daddy's new Lego Star Wars Millennium Falcon
  6. Have a leaky shitty nappy on daddy's side of the bed (Oh my Gosh, too funny, this did happen!  FTD yells out, "Why is there a shit streak all down my side of the bed?!"  Oliver naped there and had a small leak... I totally missed it!  funny.
  7. Rip the dvd player off the shelf and smash it on the floor
  8. Play with the penis without going blind
  9. Punch mummy in the teat without getting an AVO (anger violence order)
  10. Slap nanna SOOOO hard that her spectacles hang off her ears 
And last but not least.. 

Get away with anything with a sweet smile and a quick mumble of "mama" or "dada."

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit