Oh No! We've been invited to our first kid birthday party.

The day has come... Our family has been invited to our first child's birthday party. Shit!  That's all I have to say about that. I knew that since we had a kid, the day would come that we would have to start the birthday party circuit... But so soon?

This family knows us, why the hell did they invite us? FTD and I cannot be trusted to behave at a child's birthday party! Yes, I am a mommy blogger and a loving mother, but other peoples kids... yeah, not so much. Please don't hate me and stop reading my blog. Look, if your kid is not a total brat or a booger blaster I'm willing to try...

Ok, so birthday party for a boy turning two.  What the hell do we bring? How do we dress?  Should we pack a hip flask, or do parents provide booze. How long do we have to stay?  Will we get fed?  We deserve to be fed!  Shit. Why did they invite us?!

When, I told FTD about the invite, he said the same thing, "They invited us? Well, they knew what they were doing when they sent the invite." I told him we just had to try to be on out best behavior.  Of course he insisted that he would not be on his best behavior, instead he was going to try to be on his worst behavior, so we could get black balled right out of ever gettin anymore invites, thus ending our children's birthday circuit before it even starts.

I am just afraid that they must think because we have a kid we are grown up now.  Dumb asses!  We are not grown up.  FTD is Australian.  He Will NEVER EVER grow up. He will also never stop saying bad words. I have explained to my friends its just a cultural difference.  Of course they ask what my excuse is... to which I answer "can't beat  em' join em'."

Shit!  I really have no desire to go to this party!  Loads of kids running around and screaming. We have enough kid chasing and listening to screaming at home. What if there is really no booze? FTD will loose his pint loving mind.

Ok, in all fairness this family is awesome, they are our friends. We drink and eat together brilliantly.  Their son is super sweet. The husband make tasty beer!  The wife can cook and bake her ass off.  We do love them, that is the only reason we are going... I think we are going... I am honestly not 100% yet...

WHAT?  FTD and I cannot be trusted!  We are filter less, and so incapable of conforming to any type of behavior or circle, we may just act out out of fear we are conforming just by turning up to this thing... er... birthday party. Ok, forget it! We can't go.  We have no business it this type of social circle.

Oh Lord!  Please God, let FTD and I become semi normal parents so Oliver does not grow up either completely embarrassed by us, or worse, become us!

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com