Anyways, God love her, her pregnancy brain/baby amnesia has caused her to slip and ask me a few questions... so here is her email...
"So even though this is my fourth actual pregnancy and I feel like I should be a pro I am freaking out. Do I have that much love to go around? Since you are still in the recoup phase so to speak, got any words of encouragement?
On a separate topic, are all the ladies on your page with the original fathers? I wondered how others might be doing with a blended family."
This was my instant reply to her...
"I cannot believe you are asking me for advice! Of course I have to say GO TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW! The lack of sleep after delivery is just awful. I also remember how hard it was to sleep when I was super stuffed about to pop... so just rest. Feet up!
I already think about how will I love number 2 as much... I tell myself that each baby is so individual that I will fall madly in love with the stuff that makes that baby special. Plus, I have had so many people tell me I will love #2 more than I can imagine... just like I do with Ollie.
Now, about the blended family. I am going to make this tomorrow's "Friday Blog Question." I know of one reader who is in a blended family, and it seems to be going great, but I would love to hear how many others."
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First of all, I have come to realize, while I am an actual new mom and 'first timer,' all moms are new moms all over again with each new baby. Each baby is so different form the last, that you really do not know what to expect. I have been told they are almost completely opposite from each other. Which is awesome if it's true, because then I will sleep with baby number 2!
Second, I have heard over and over again about the fear of not being able to love the next baby as much as the first. I also hear you will, no question about it. There is plenty of love to go around, even with number 4,5,6.... Oddly enough I don't have that fear at all. I worry about splitting my time equally between the children. Showing each I love them and have time for them equally. I am a middle child, I know first hand the feeling of fighting for mommy's time and loosing. Hopefully since I am mindful of this issue, it will not be an issue.
And last, The Blended Family. I come from the blended family dynamic. And thank God for that! My older sister is a 'half sister,' but as far as I am concerned she is my whole-hearted best sister in the world! I would be lost without her. She is my best friend! I know blending at first is trying, but in our situation it was the best, even if I did get into my big sisters stuff and make her wish she was an only child again. ;)
I would love to hear about your blended family stories, trials, triumphs, lessons, tips...
TGIF!
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10 comments:
I remember when I had my daughter, I fell so head over heels in love with her instantly. I also remember thinking that I could never love another that much. Now, 7 years later, I know I could and I want to! Haha, so baby crazy! The blended family thing does makes me a bit nervous, but I know that my fiance loves my daugher and that she desperately wants a sibling, so it will be fine when it finally happens! Great questions. SOrry I didn't really have advice. Congrats to your friend!
We're a blended-ish family - along with hubby and my's little man I've got 2 stepsons, of whom we have shared custody with their mum. Hubby and I got together when the boys were 4 and 1 (now 11 and 8), and we've mostly got the knack of things now but it was a huge learning curve at first! For me I think the biggest challenges at first were developing a relationship with the boys without overstepping my boundaries and upsetting their mum, and dealing with always being 'second' in hubby's life. Now, it's making sure I don't ignore them in favour of bubba, which can be so easy to do with him still being so little and dependent (not to mention time consuming, seriously, for a little dude he can take up SOOOO much time - as you well know lol) and not letting hubby feel too bad about being second in my life!
Last week my oldest stepson asked me if bubba was his half brother. When I asked him where the question came from, he pointed out that Isaiah is only tiny so he's not a fully grown brother yet. I found it so hard not to laugh at his logic, it was gorgeous.
I love all the boys, but in very different ways. The way I see it, the older 2 don't need me to be their mum, they have a lovely mother already. So, my job is to be the best step-mum I can be to them, and the best mum I can be to Isaiah. Here's hoping I get it right!
Ok me again, lol.
My tip would have to be, to help the 'current' kids adjust to the new kid on the block, I talked with them when I was near the end of the pregnancy about all the things I couldn't wait to do with them again, like playfighting or climbing into their bunks for stories, then once baby was born I went out of my way to make sure we did those things again within the first week or two, and kept doing them. For us, it minimized any possible issues with jealousy and resentment, and kept our relationships close. I also talked up how much the baby loved his big brothers, with lots of 'ooh look how he's watching you, he's so excited to hang out with you' kind of comments. Cheesy, but it worked.
Okay, that's all.
You know us, but I feared so much with having another- knowing how much I loved Kaely and all of her crazy accomplishments- the kid was an overachiever at birth. Then with Chase- being a preemie and all is accomplishments being delayed- now it's reverse, I fear loving him more than Kaely- not that I could- but the sharing of time and attention and patience. It's such a tough juggle!
As far as blended families go, I never wanted to put a child through what I did growing up- half siblings, step-siblings, pure chaos... but... it seems that's exactly what has happened. But I don't think Kaely could love her baby brother anymore regardless of shared parents or not- and vice versa. Add in the aspect of having my sister and her baby boy living with us- and it's a true insanity of a blended family. Complete with relearning patience, compromising on discipline and parenting styles... ultimate tests of life- but for these gorgeous children? Totally worth it!
My hubs would probably have a better answer than I do but I remember thinking that my #3 would be either like #1 or #2 who are as different as night and day. I was so surprised when Little turned out to be a little someone who is different than either of them. Or us. He is all his own person. Actually I think he has the best parts of both of us, ALL of us really.
Now for the blended family part. My hubs helped raise Big. He met him when he was a baby so it's different than if he had met him when he was older. He has always treated him as though he WERE his biological child.
Big never really thought about his siblings being "half-brothers". In fact we just had to explain to little a few years ago because he just didn't get that his dad wasn't Big's bio dad. "He's not a HALF Anything..he's my brother" was his reply. Works for us.
Congrats on your new blended family. Just think your beautiful daughter will someday be the big sister he sibling couldn''t imagine life without. Just like me and my sister!
Keep me posted, baby crazy lady!
I love this. Your blended family is just perfect. Isaiah has the best whole-hearted older brothers.
GREAT TIP!! Thanks for this Shay!
Thank God for blended families since you are not thinking of having anymore. Chase and Kaely will have each other forever, even if they have different dads. Again, my big sister is the best, I don't care about how we came together, it's that we did that matters!
"He's not a HALF Anything..he's my brother" I LOVE THIS!! This should be the moto for all blended families. Who ever came up with classifing families and siblings is a shit. Brothers are brothers. FULL STOP!
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