Helicopter Parenting... Easy killer, you don't want a sissy do you?

Helicopter Parenting is characterized as a parent that hovers over their child. Thus not fully allowing them to grow, develop and live without their parent's presence and input in nearly every aspect of their life. This is also known as over parenting.

My friends, lately FTD has been the helicopter parent of the century.  This man can hover so low, for so long it's amazing. I get worn out watching him in action... What's got him hovering is his is fear of Oliver bumping his head or getting hurt. he stand behind him constantly spitting out, "No, baby you are going to hurt yourself." or "OLIVER!  No! DANGER!!!" I of course get all over FTD for it, explaining that Ollie needs to grow and learn, the bumps and bruises along the way are necessary evils.  FTD doesn't want to hear me, because he doesn't want to hear Ollie cry.

For those of you who have been reading since the early days, then you know it was FTD who first let Ollie fuss on his belly, when I thought I would die from the sound. It was also FTD that let Oliver balance on his legs for longer than I thought necessary as a little baby.  I was the helicopter parent then.

I have recently come to realize that FTD was fine with the fussing because Oliver was learning without getting hurt.  He could bear the fussing because Ollie was annoyed not in pain.  I couldn't bear the fussing because I felt like it wasn't necessary, since tummy time and standing on his legs for long periods was not crucial...  Ok, so maybe they were and that's why Ollie can crawl and stand and even cruise at 8-months-old, who knows... Still I will jump and hover over unnecessary fussing and crying.  i.e Sleep training.  :p


Now that Oliver is crawling and cruisin' for a brusin,' FTD is beside himself trying to protect his son from pain.  I on the other hand know that Ollie will never walk or gain even the smallest pain thresh hold without letting him figure it all out on his own.  FTD refuses to accept this, and therefore hovers over him.  The main problem is that this Helicopter Parenting, like all forms of over parenting, is keeping Ollie from, well... for lack of a better way to explain it, meet his full potential... or grow.

When Ollie and I are home all day I let him go wild, use the furniture to cruise, climb up the wall, and yes fall down and hit his head.  But, in my defense, letting him go ass wild has helped him learn to climb, cruise and even hit his head without crying.  He even pulled a plastic chair down on himself and didn't cry!  Ok, probably a bad example to share with the world... but still, the little guy is growing up to be a tough little dude, thanks to mommy letting him bang and clang around the house. No thanks to dads hovering abilities.

That's right, why put him in the jumper,
when he can climb all over it when dad's at work...
I have no doubt that FTD and I will continue to trade off being helicopter pilots for a few more years, at least.  Ideally we will eventually trade the overprotective parenting style for a healthy balance that allows our son to be independent and learn things for himself, but still be hands on parents with out being complete freaks.  Some days I don't know which is harder, being the developing child, or the developing parent...

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Unknown said...

Oh goodness! I still have to fight the urge to be a helicopter parent! I do my best, but it's hard for me!!! When my daughter was a baby people would tease me that she was "the baby in a bubble". I'm not proud of it, but I was just so attached to her. I would let her explore, but would follow very closely behind. Hopefully she isn't too damaged from my helicopter parenting! Sounds like you two will be fine. It's a good balance. :)

Unknown said...

Ouch. You're right- I go through my own cycles of being the helicopter too. Damn if I don't cringe everytime Chase whacks his head on the tile- which is often- so half the time I catch him, the other half, I pray he lands at a softer angle... To my credit, a month ago I'd fold up a blanket to put behind him while he was sitting, since he intentionally throws himself backwards so he can roll around everywhere- now? Well, hearing the "thud" still sucks, but I don't want a sissy either :/

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

I hope so... we at least trade off and do not hover together. And your sweet Princess is so wonderful and giving, I don't think you have screwed her up at all! I think whenkids are young there is a very fine line between helicopter and just parenting. it's when Ollie is 16 and FTD want to hang with him and his friends... not right.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

I think protecting Chase from that is one thing, not letting Ollie walk b/c it Might hurt him is another. We also have carpet. Your florida tile is scary... oooh I can hear the thud now! Also Chase is a bulldozer! No way can he be a sissy!!

Organized Chaos said...

I can totally relate! OMW…I have been a hovering parent on some days and then other days Hubby Dearest takes over! But Ouma is the worst! She is so SO protective! I figure it is good for the lil ones to know people care about them and want their safety. They’re going to push the boundaries regardless how much we hover…it’s just a matter of teaching them it is okay!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

I love this comment!! Thank you for making the point that even though we are hovering and being super over protective, we are still showing our babies we love them and care for their safety. Great point!! I feel so much better now. :)

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