Have I told you lately how much I love my super son and being a mother? I can honestly say motherhood has made me 100% a better person. (Seriously, that is not saying much.) However...
(Yes, a wicked rant about the not so joyous aspects of motherhood is about to ensue...)
...This morning at 6:20am (I know this does not sound early, but when you were up nursing at 1am and 4:20am it is!) my darling, sweet baby was ready to start his day with a coo and a smile. I on the other hand, had no desire to smile or coo at anything but my sweet dreams. I staggered in to his room, one eye open the other closed trying to desperately hold on to my sweet dreams... I looked at his brilliant smile, smiled back and said, Come on dude. You are not a Rooster! Why do we have to get up before the sun every morning? I swear he knew what I was saying, because his mischievous smile got bigger, followed by a squeal that got FTD up too. Damn it... Hello morning, goodbye Channing.
I have come to realize if there was one thing I took for granted the most before becoming a mother, it would have to be sleep. After a particularly late night out on a work night, I would shrug and think, I'll catch up by going to sleep early tomorrow night, or just sleep in on Saturday. Now that I am a mother there is no such thing as catching up on sleep. There is no such thing as sleeping in on Saturday morning, unless you call 9am sleeping in. Which, before baby, 9am on Saturday morning was reserved for death and sample-sales only. If neither had happened, you better not be calling.
I'm so sick of waking up with the rest of the cocks on the planet! I have not had more than 5-6 solid hours of sleep since Oliver's birth 8-months ago. I tell myself that one day I will sleep well again. One day... Ok, honestly, I want to scream and cry. I just want to go to sleep and sleep for as long as possible. I want to feel well rested. I want to wake up, after all of the cocks on the planet and say, hello day!
I know that the worst is behind me. But, candy coating and bullshitting aside, I hate the sleep deprivation associated with being a mother. Sure, I can tell myself all kinds of crap reasons why it's not that bad, or this too shall pass, but when it's 1am and I am laying in bed unable to get to sleep, I want to cry because I know there is no way to change the fact that at best, I am looking at 5 hours of sleep, and that's only if Oliver does not wake up wanting to nurse before 6am, which is next to impossible.
For those of you who are not moms yet, GO TO SLEEP! Sleep your ass off. When someone calls you lazy, give them the finger and go back to sleep. Your day will come and you will thank me for this advice. For those of you who are moms, I feel your pain, I know how bad it sucks. I am right there with you praying to God that not only will you get to sleep soon, your baby will stay asleep just 15 minutes more than yesterday.
Oh, and if you are that mom that throws a couple of toys in the crib, or turns on a DVD in your baby's room, then crawls back in bed begging the parenting Gods for forgiveness while you steal 15 more minutes of sleep, I am right there with you...
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