Floor Wars - Episode 6-The return of the HEADBUTT! (Dad Post)

Floor Wars - Episode 6
The return of the HEADBUTT!

Ahhhhh...Memories! When Ollie was born he was such a tiny little bundle of innocence and helplessness. The good ole days!  I remember with fondness how I could nestle the little bugger in the palm of my hand.  The 3am feedings, the cute little wailings, the tiny novelty onesies - what grand memories!

Then, of course the tempo shifted a bit a couple of months later when he had the strength to keep his head upright and flexed his genetic RIGHT to HEADBUTT! 
I can vividly recall seven occasions in which baby Ollie cracked me with such awesome force that the pain nearly knocked me off my feet.  One blow was soooo powerful it actually loosened an incisor and I lost temporary control of my sphincter.

I learned to duck and weave, to hold the boy horizontally, to turn my head instinctively and to eat chewy foods on the other side of my mouth for a few weeks!  Problem solved! I could now watch as he inflicted similar damage on mummy, family members and the cigarette-smoking neighbour who always insisted on holding him - KARMA!

And NOW we've entered a new realm of HEADBUTTERY (yes it is a word and is copyrighted by firsttimemomanddad.com).  As a seasoned crawler of nearly 2 weeks, Ollie has re-discovered his passion for inflicting damage on in-animate objects through use of his IRON-LIKE noggin!

As I watch him scamper about the floor, investigating awesome stuff like a hidden-from-sight Cheerio stuck to the inside of a table-leg or the now lifeless shell of my right rear surround speaker, baby Ollie reminds me of the victorious Imperial AT AT walkers attacking the vile rebel base on HOTH in "The Empire Strikes Back".

He steadfastly locks his sights on a particular object and then with lightening speed, powers head-first towards it, feigns and lunge attacks the cat or the edge of the (padded) coffee table with his head. Textbook manoeuvre from the Imperial stormtrooper training academy!

BANG - CRACK - SMASH - DONK - Bloody hell!  

As a concerned Dad who now watches crawl-time like a hawk and manages to stop 98% of these imperial attacks, it's somewhat disturbing and I dread to see what he's capable of doing when he masters the art of STANDING, WALKING and RUNNING!

How the heck do you Moms and Dads deal with this besides foam-padding EVERYTHING in the house or fitting the bugger with a restraining bolt?  What works? What doesn't? Help me First Time Mom & Dad readers...you're my only hope!

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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Anonymous said...

Baby helmet. I bought mine too late, Chloe rips it off and tries to chew it. I keep saying I bought it to protect her but her daddy thinks I bought it so I could laugh at how funny she looks... Babynobumps.com is where I got mine from.

Lisa aka donutlady

Unknown said...

Buwahaha! That pic is freakin' hilarious... and damn if I haven't had my fair share of black eyes, bruised nose, and dislocated jaw from the head ramming force of a baby. OUCH

Unknown said...

I have many times thought of putting a helmet on my toddler and wrapping her in bubble wrap. She is a danger to herself and others. The head bumping phase will pass, but then you might have to deal with biting and pinching instead. Good times!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

LISA!! Thank you for the link! FTD Is looking it up now.
Jessika-I have to admit, your bruiser is sserious about being as much of a boy as possible!
Lillian-The bubble wrap idea is genius!!

Alissa said...

Too funny! I got cracked in the nose the other morning when I was still too sleepy to get out of bed. James tipped over and whacked his little noggin on the bridge of my nose... fun times! I have no advice for you other than be quick!

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Marianne said...

Oh how I hated the head butt! As far as suggestions, I got nothing. I think I might have dropped one of my kids once. Probably not a good person to ask.

Layes Landing said...

Me: Hunny, you gotta read this post - its hilarious!. FTMAD are star wars fans!!

Him (serious and slack-jawed): Isn't everybody?