I just thought I would be clear with you all about one thing... The is NO sleep training of a baby going on in my house. There is however sleep training of parents going on.
I have for the most part been very fortunate about my son going to sleep easily through nursing. Even at nap times he would nurse to sleep. Or if I am diligent about putting him down for a nap EXACTLY TWO HOURS from the minute he woke from his last nap, then he will go down easily. His naps through the day are usually exactly 30-minutes long.
Recently things have been changing. Oliver is putting me through sleep training since I do not have the backbone to train him. I tried. Well "tried" might be an exaggeration... I put him down in his crib and when he really got to screaming I broke. I feel like I am a horrible mother letting him Cry-It-Out. That's just me. I cannot do it. At least not yet...
Here are some of the things Oliver has taught me during my courses in mommy sleep training.
1. After 200 bounces on the bed or exercise ball if he is not asleep, then I have bounced 200 times to many. He is not going to go to sleep because he is not ready yet.
2. When he is not tired and I am, I am welcome put him in his crib while he laughs at me and wears himself down. Once he starts screaming and crying, then I have waited way to long to go get him. He is ready to go to sleep via a good bounce or nurse.
3. Bouncing is the only thing that works to get Oliver to sleep next to nursing. The exercise ball is saving my bed from lopsided ruin.
4. We will strictly adhere to our nap and night-time routine or I will be very sorry. Punishment will be given in the form of cranky, fussy, foul behaviour. It will take me no less than five extra minutes to calm him down enough to begin the nap or night-time routine. No exceptions!
5.There will be no sleep training for Oliver yet, possibly not ever unless I grow a backbone.
I have decided that I am not going to have anything to do with sleep training for now, because I honestly do not see the need. I am a stay at home mom. My day is devoted to the care of my son. I do not need to turn him into some miracle self soothing sleeper at 6 months old. I just do not see the need or research that says its do or have a shit for a son. We have a routine that works.
Sometimes I do have to spend a few extra minutes getting him to sleep. There are also times he is just not ready for his nap, so I give him some extra time to get there by putting him in his crib with a few soft books and Sofie to play with. I don't care if he cannot self sooth yet. I enjoy soothing him. Well except when I'm bouncing or rocking Ollie and he is pushing away and fussing. I hate that big time!
The mantra in my house until I figure out a reason to let my son scream his brains out until he passes out is...
Screw Sleep Training!
14 comments:
LOL!! Geez, babies teach us alot don't they?
Your bounce counting cracks me up - I'm no better mind you ;-) I can now let Isaiah cry it out without running outside and hiding by the mailbox, but I have very strict rules about it now. From the moment he makes his first noise, I will leave him for up to 10 minutes only. If he is still unsettled at that time, I go in to him. If his cry changes from a grizzly 'wah wah I'm tired, you all suck' to a genuine upset one, I go in to him. If his mobile runs out of battery and goes silent, I will go in. The list goes on, which looks very neurotic when it's written out in black and white, but hey, it works for us! 99% of the time, he will settle by 8 and a half minutes, the other 1% are the times I go in.
As for naps, we have a routine going for about 4 days at a time, and then we change it. And by 'we', I mean Isaiah. I just go along for the ride and take my cues from him. Sure, it means this week he is sleeping 3+ hours less in any 24 hour period, but he is still my little happy chappy!
I say do whatever works for you - after all, the people I know who recoil in horror at my parenting philosophies are the same ones who ooh and aah that my son is so calm and happy compared to their bubs!
My mantra? Don't let baby cry. Period. I will do just about anything to prevent her from crying, unless I know it's not a real cry but just a whining cry (in which case I will use distraction to divert her attention elsewhere). I agree that sleep training at 6 months is probably not necessary. If Baby L is 3 and has sleep issues, we'll revisit that decision but at this point, when she doesn't have any other means of communicating save for crying, I absolutely refuse to ignore her sole means of telling me that something may be wrong.
We found that Summer often puts us to sleep instead of us putting her to sleep. We co-sleep so this works out most times. I am starting to realize the louder we are at bed time the easier she will go to bed. I used to think we shouldn't talk before bed because that might keep her up. I was wrong, she falls asleep so much faster. She also has to play "elevator" every night before bed. Daddy raises her up and down and she giggles, it's super cute. Yep, we are trained. Oh, and I agree, I try to not let her cry at all. The wah wah cry is as far as I can take, spoiled already!
Your mantra has merit! I tried letting him cry- but see, when you are half asleep yourself, you don't think- you just act... hence feeding the creature 3 times last night... grrrr
That's how it goes here to. The low whiny fuss is tolerable, the scream cuts through me.
Even at 3 I'm not sure I'll have a backbone. That little cry is the worst most painful sound my ears have ever experienced!
See I love it! Night time play-time with mom dad and bun is my absolute favorite time of day! Yay for daddy elevator! Ollie always drools in FTDs month on the way down. Lol!
Yep, I'll nurse all night long to keep the screaming at a minimum.
There is actually research on the damaging affects of letting a child "cry-it-out." Dr. Sears has info on the website that this method, used over prolonged periods of time, lowers a child's I.Q. Mayim Bialik (yes, Blossom), who has a PhD in Neuroscience, talks about it in her book Beyond the Sling, how it can damage the parent-child bond. And even Dr. Ferber himself, of Ferberizing, has changed his tune in recent years about letting a child cry-it-out.
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/science-says-excessive-crying-could-be-harmful
Thanks for this Foodpixie! I know its bad. And before 6 months my doctor said don't even try it. I actually rewrote my CIO post about a month ago. It's really only getting the baby to wear itself out. No self soothing is learned through the CIO method.
Honestly, I think it depends upon the child. My little girl is the type of baby who will NOT go to sleep if you are holding her. Period. There is no bouncing, rocking, or singing her to sleep and the only time nursing induced sleep occurs is for her very last feeding before she goes down for the night. I know the different cries, however, and can tell if it is a "why-the-hell-did-you-put-me-in-here-I'm-not-tired-yet" cry or a "we've-had-so-much-fun-and-I'm-pooped-but-can't-quite-fall-asleep-yet" cry (which lasts five minutes tops) or even her "I'm-tired-but-I-shit-after-you-put-me-down-and-now-it's-cold-please-change-me" cry. I also have a video monitor and can watch her to make sure she's ok. She is a well-adjusted, happy, loving little girl and has responded well to the minimal sleep training we have done with her. You have to use your own judgement and, from what I can tell, every person who reads your blog (and others) have their child's best interest at heart.
We could not stand to try any kind of cry-it-out, but we had to do something since my weak back could not stand for 30 minutes to an hour of walking/bouncing. The pick-up/put-down method seems to be working far and above anything else we've tried & we have tried a variety of things. There is now minimal, if any, crying when our little mister goes into his crib & we are working in the transition to where we don't even need to be in the room!
That's awesome! That would be ideal for us too. I cannot handle the crying. I pick him up or push his little tush while shhhhing.
I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this. Well, I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world, but sometimes I do feel that way especially when I read that another mommy has been so lucky to have her kid sleeping through the night at 2 days old. Barf! My son is five months old and has his own sleep pattern. It is as follows: He sleeps when he's tired. And that's the bottom line. There is no laying him in his crib until he falls asleep. More like laying him down in his crib while mommy hopes he falls asleep but instead he cries and cries and cries and his pissed off-ness gets more intense until I finally cave and pick him up. He will only fall asleep if I rock him, walk with him, shoosh him or if he's REALLY tired he'll just fall asleep anywhere. It's super exhausting but like you said, being a SAHM, what's the point in getting your baby on a schedule? They'll grow out of this no sleeping thing eventually right? Everything babies do is temporary, even waking up in the middle of the night. Thanks for posting this, I feel better!
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