I am not a top mommy blogger, I never will be. I am a mother who wants nothing more in this world than to be a proper writer-sell one of my books, write articles, stay home with my beautiful son and live the dream. I started blogging because I needed an outlet. Because I hoped and prayed someone would read my writing and think, "She is brilliant! I need to find her to see if she has written a brilliant book to publish." I write because I love to write.
I am also a competitive perfectionist. I need to be the best at everything I do. If I am committed, I am unstoppable. I had no idea there was anything more to blogging 3 months ago than just writing what I felt, and then sharing it with anyone who stumbled by. I just wrote everyday to the few of you who kept stumbling by. I love you. And you know who you are, the dedicated wonderful women, and men, who read everyday, post comments and make me feel like some how my writing is helpful, even inspiring.
Well, over the last two months I have learned that there is so much more to the blogging world! It has made me nuts. Full on fucking nuts with jealousy, drive, purpose and now complete and utter frustration. There are thousands of mommy bloggers out there. Hell, probably hundreds of thousands. I cannot compete with that. No, I am not going to compete with them. The competitor in me is annoyed and wants to fight. The new mother and true writer inside me says, "Oh fuck it, be a mom and write what you want, who gives a shit if you are not the best mommy blogger with 50,000 followers?"
At first I thought I did give a shit. I realized while sure I would love to be the best, (who wouldn't?) my quality of life is so much more important. I have a 7-month-old baby, and I have to go back to work soon. I am no longer wasting one more minute trying to be the top mommy blogger by spending all day trying to get followers and likes to quantify that. I am the best damn blogger I can be!
I am going to write what I want, when I want. I am never ever going to make a living as a blogger. I need to spend my last few weeks of unemployment with my growing son, not trying to grow my blog into anything more than it is already. Of course I cannot stop writing this blog. I love talking about motherhood, raising my big boy, and all of the crazy crap necessary to do that. I write everyday. Writing is my passion. That will never change no matter how annoyed I get with the writing industry.
Sorry, I just needed to rant, to vent, to use my blog for what it is for, my own personal outlet. I'm so crazed by all of the Blog Hops, Top Mommy blog rankings, Picket Fence giveaways, getting free giveaway sponsors (which the first starts on Sunday), and gaining followers and likes. It's doing my damn head in!
This whole being a top blogger is just not me. I was never one of the popular girls, so why start trying to be one now? Fuck it! I'm a mommy with wonderful cyber friends. I will write forever as long as I have you. xx
