Hey! Don't talk baby to my baby. He's a genius in training.

Aaaaaahhhh woooogggggyyyyy boooogggooooo dooo ppppppooooooofffffftttttaa, whoooosy issss the cutest wittle boooooppppy???

WTF?  What language is that?  I personally cannot stand baby talk, and thankfully neither can First Time Dad.  We speak softly and kindly to our baby, but baby talk is capitol O U T out!  How is my baby expected to develop a solid vocabulary when his foundation is built on woooggggy, booooggggy and boooopppppy bullshit?

I'll never forget 10+ years ago while working as a server at an upscale restaurant, I waited on a mother and her 3 year old daughter.  The little girl was so well spoken and articulate, it full on blew my mind.  I commented to the mother about how impressed I was with her daughter.  She told me very matter of fact that she, "never spoke baby talk to her."  From that day on I decided if I ever had a child, I would never speak baby talk to my baby either.

Don't get me wrong, I always use a very kind and sweet pitch and tone with Oliver, but I also make it a point to enunciate my words.  When I sing the ABC's to Ollie I even slow down a L, M, N, O, P and it's always X, Y, Z . I do not add the X, Y, (and) Z.  I also will not, under any freaking circumstance, allow my son to watch those toddler shows with unexplainable beings that do not speak one recognizable word, in ANY language! For example, the teletubbies. OMG!  What is that shit?

I always try to keep my own personal opinions out of my blogs, but this is one area I am passionate about.  I think it is entirely possible to be a kind, warm, loving mother without pouring heaps a baby-waby crap on. I want Oliver to be a super smart, well spoken, respectable young man from the earliest age possible.

So, I say to the strangers in the grocery store, and old ladies in church, "Hey! Don't talk baby to my baby. He is a genius in training.

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com