Dear Dad: News Flash!

While having lunch with a friend we both started getting "Where are you?" and "How much longer will you be?" texts from our husbands.  Needless to say, we were both annoyed and started trading stories about our husbands and the awards and praise they think they should recieve for various things they do with THEIR OWN CHILD!

Here is the news flash we want to send to our husbands...


  1. You are not going to win an award for spending 2 hours alone with your baby.  I know this because I have spent 8 hours alone with our baby and all I got was... Not a damn thing! #nicetry
  2. Just because you just finished bathing him does not mean he will not pee all over you and the change table. He did not save his pee to mess with you.  #getoveryourself
  3. It’s a shame he spit his food all over you. I'm sorry.  Hejust learned how to blow raspberries, clearly he thinks it’s way more fun with a mouth full of squash. #weararaincoatnexttime.
  4. No, I do not feed him ExLax apples. He poops a lot, that’s what babies do. Stop acting like it’s going to kill you to see and smell it. #welcometofatherhood
  5. I did not have our baby so you could have a full-time playmate. I'm tired of pissing on about rules and routines.  The baby follows them, why can't you? #getwiththeprogram
  6. I will continue to bitch and complain until I get 8 hours of sleep just like you! #nosleepnonice
  7.  If you do not help me clean the house, do not complain about it not being spotless.  #callthemerrymaids
  8. The choice is Either/Or, not watch and wonder off midway through. #rollupyoursleeves
  9. Of course I love you.  Our son just needs a lot of attention right now.  I’m trying to pay attention to you too. But, you are a big boy. You can feed yourself and wipe your own ass.  I’ll attend to you when necessary. #18yearsfromnow
  10. He is a baby, he needs constant attention. You cannot play on your computer or watch TV and expect him to sit quietly and watch! #hellooooo
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    Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


    AussieMummy said...

    Haha it's like you stepped into my home, observed and then wrote this post!

    firsttimedad said...


    Unknown said...

    LMAO! I believe I may add a couple inappropriate ones then print out and tape to the hub's bathroom mirror. Nice.

    foodpixie said...

    I haven't heard anyone use the phrase "get with the program" since it was my Dad's slogan for the 90's.

    Our little lady has had it sorted out since month 4 when she would look at Daddy with a half grin, because he would make her laugh, but she would look at me when she cried, because I'm the one that solves problems. I'm gearing up for a lifetime of solving problems.

    Unknown said...

    LMAO!!! #nosleepnonice!! #18yearsfrom now!!
    I read this entry when you first posted it, but I still chuckle like an idiot when I think about.

    Fancy Pants said...

    @foodpixie, OMG Summer does this!!! I now GET IT!

    Great list, today Dad confessed he had already taken 3 showers, I looked at him and looked down at my spit up covered shirt wondering if he noticed my BO and unbrushed hair. It's moments like this I thank God for those "happy" pills the doc prescribed. I will admit though, Dad works his arse off at his job and I know he would much rather be at home with the babe, or at least he thinks he could handle the stay at home dad bit! Us ladies know that this 24 hour job isn't as easy as everyone believes!