A few days ago I was
contacted via email by one of my dearest Blog followers about an idea for a
post. The email reads as follows…
“…Whenever I go through a new parenting experience that I
feel like I
should
have been prepared for, I think back to what my Been-There-Done-That friends
told me about the experience and I feel completely screwed! What I mean is they
sugar-coated EVERYTHING.... like "Get all the sleep you can before baby
comes..." but never did anyone tell me honestly how tired and horrible I
would feel on 3 hours of sleep. What I would have liked to hear was "It's
going to suck, you are going to be perpetually tired for the next 3 years, so
get used to it and you CAN function off 3 hours of sleep, but it will be
hell". “….I'd love to hear from
you and comments from others what sugar-coated things people told you while you
were pregnant and now that you are in the thick of being a new parent what you
wish they would have honestly told you. Kind of like a top 10 list or
something.”
Here is my Top 10 list
of Sugar Coated Baby advice I received while I was pregnant, and the real
meaning behind it.
- “Don’t worry, you get amnesia after you
deliver. You won’t remember a thing about your pregnancy!” Really means, “You black it out.”
Pregnancy, labor and delivery are so traumatizing you try like hell to
black it out so you can attempt to do it all over again to give your child
a sibling!
- “Sleep Now!” Means “Sleep Seldom” You will
sleep for no more than 3 hours at a time for the first 6-8 weeks, then if
you are lucky you will get four hour stretches until 6 months, and then
who knows, teething, sleep training, weather, poor naps... The Good news, you think you will
loose you mind, but you won’t!
- “Nothing tests a relationship like a baby.” Means, “Your relationship is screwed for
the first 6 months to 2 years once the baby arrives.” Nothing tests the
strength of a relationship like high levels of fear, anxiety and insane
sleep deprivation. You will argue, bicker, plot painful deaths on each
other, throw the divorce word around like a football and then cry together
when the baby finally falls asleep.
- “Motherhood is so rewarding!” means
“Motherhood if so full of tests that when you pass one you should get an
award!” You have no clue what you are doing at first. It’s scary and full of
challenges. Your mother’s
instinct will help, but you will still have obstacles and challenges that
will boggle the most genius of minds. You will never get an award so learn to live off of
your own praise.
- “Breastfeeding is so good for your baby”
really means, “Breastfeeding is super hard and painful at first. It is so
good for you baby that it doesn’t matter how much it sucks for you.”
- “Baby wearing is so wonderful and
convenient. Really means, “If
you want to get anything done, strap that baby to your body!” Get one of
those baby-wearing contraptions because your back and ass will break from
the constant picking up and putting down and carrying involved with a
fussy baby that is only happy when he’s being held.
- “Make time for yourself everyday.” Really
means, “You will be so covered in vomit and baby goo/poo that you will
need to shower everyday.” You have to shower and put on clean clothes
every day. Just because you can’t see the throw up all down your back doesn’t
mean it’s not there, and just because your hair is in a ponytail, it
doesn’t mean it’s ok to be rock hard from the coating of spit up.
- “Savor each minute because it goes so fast!”
really means, “Time does not slow down so your mind can catch up to your
child’s constant growth.” Thanks the extreme exhaustion and overall
constant work involved with having a baby, minutes become hours, that
become days, that become weeks that become months of blurry hazy
confusion. Then surprise your baby is six months old already!
- “Join a mothers Group” really means, “All of
your friends without children will fall off the face of the earth so you
will need to make some new friends.”
Even the friends with children are hard to catch up with now that
both of you have child filled days.
- “You are going to be a wonderful
mother.” Really means, “Just wait, you are going to think you are awful
and doing all of the wrong things! Luckily babies are resilient and will
overcome your crazy ideas and methods, while teaching you how to be a
wonderful mother.” I
don’t think you stop thinking you suck for long periods at a time, because
once you think you have it figured out, boom the baby rolls off the couch!
1.Being a mom is not easy.
4.Don't buy baby clothes out of season for the next year, because your child won't fit into the size he is supposed to until he turns two. Both babies wear/wore clothes way outside their age range. Gavin's 12 month onesies are getting a bit small.
5.How hard it is to take a child's paci away.
6.That you have to take the baby to the doctor every couple months and endure shot after shot and that the doctor only works Tuesday through Thursday right in the middle of my work day.
7.That some kids are scared to poop on the toilet and that you might have to hold them down and force them to do it just to get them into big kid underwear...AND...when you get them into big kid underwear, they still have to wear a pull up at night.
What's your list or candy coated crap baby advice that left you annoyed?
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