Your baby this week.

Every week I receive an email with information on what my baby's milestones should be for his age. i.e 23 weeks old. Up until about week 16, I would open the emails excited to see where Oliver should be developmentally, and what I can expect him to begin to do in the weeks to come. After a few weeks of not meeting some of the milestones, and passing some up, I realized those emails were no more than baseline crap that I should not let worry me.  

In the beginning, I had a very advanced baby.  Hellooooo… He came out of the womb ass first and smiling!  You can call it gas all you want, but whatever he was smiling! Then as the weeks went on, and he started packing on the pounds, things started changing.  Yes, he rolled over ONCE around the time he was supposed to start, but that quickly ended when he became too chubby to pull off the ol' tuck n' roll.  

Next was the standard baby-foot-in-the-mouth milestone. When weeks passed before he even considered finding his feet, let alone shoving them in is mouth, I began to worry. Then, I looked at his big fat tree trunk thighs and stumpy calves and applied the laws of physics. No way in hell could he reach his toes, let alone shove them in his mouth!  In fact, still at a week shy of 6 months old, his toes are FAR from his lips! Granted, he can at least reach them now.

At Ollie’s 4-month well baby check up his pediatrician confirmed that he was teething.  Now, nearly six months old, not one tooth has come in! That’s 2 months of drool, fussing, chewing on me, the cat, the couch, toys and nothing! But, somehow 2 of my girlfriends, whose daughters are younger than Ollie, have their first teeth! WTF?

So, this week when I got, "at 23 weeks old your baby may be getting up on all fours…" Um, yeah, unless “all fours” stands for his little baby 4-pack of abs, that shit is not happening! Don't get me wrong, he gets up on his hands just fine now,  but his big chubby belly is not leaving the ground any time soon.  I didn’t even read any further before deleting the email.  I just cannot let myself get caught up in trying to keep up with the “baby Jones's!”  

Ollie is fat and happy.  He eats, sleeps, poops, and plays, to me that’s right on track for becoming a proper man!   All the development in between will be on his on time. So what if he is behind on some things? He will catch up.  He is my sweet baby, for me that is good enough! To hell with, “your baby's milestones  this week should be..." My baby is in my arms, and that’s right where his fat little butt belongs!

Mommy Tip for the day: Courtesy eMED TV

Helpful Tips for Parents of a 5-Month-Old Baby
Enjoy this time. Your baby is rapidly getting quick and mobile. As she approaches areas or objects that are off limits, instead of saying "no" to everything, try redirecting her, or even telling her "that is not okay" or "danger." This way, you are teaching her what is right and wrong, rather than just saying "no" to what seems to be everything in her world.

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit