(Warning: This is a foul-mouthed rant)
I write to you all today with a very heavy heart. I am carrying a deep sadness around with me over the recent movie theater shooting in Colorado, the Bus Bombing, the unrest in Syria, the insanity in Baghdad, and the list goes on... In the past when the news became too much, I would turn off the TV and divert my attention. Now that I am a mother, avoiding the news and claiming ignorance, is not that simple anymore.
My maternal instincts kick in when I hear of all of the pain and suffering around the world. I’m reminded that it is my job to protect my son. Unfortunately, sometimes the world seems so screwed up, that fully protecting my son seems next to impossible.
I was always apprehensive about having children. The idea of bringing a child into this volatile, unstable world seemed unconscionable. There is so much ugly and evil lurking around. I mean, my God a movie theater is not even safe anymore? It’s so damn daunting I want to scream!
I spent the day feeling so awful, throwing a pity party for the people in this world feeling so much pain. I also spent the day worrying about the day I have to try to explain to my son, why the world is so jacked up? Why innocent people die everyday at the hands of mindless shitbags.
Or, God forbid the flip side, my child becomes one of the mindless shitbags! It’s scary. I keep telling myself with enough love, nurturing and catholic guilt I can raise a good child. I also intend to shelter my son from the ugliness of the world for as long as possible, without completely smothering him into a full on rebellion. Oh, the fine line between good mom and crazy over protective mom. (Yes, that’s a whole different post.)
I know my job as a parent is to do my very best to protect my son, as much as possible, from the horrors of the world. I have two choices, I can stay home and become a crazy over protective mom, or I can do my best to find as much beauty as possible in the world to share with my son.
I realized today, that it is up to me to show my son how to live and love the world, flawed as it is. I cannot let the bad consume me, like I let it today. I have to stay positive for my son. I have to protect him through living. The world is definitely fucked up, but that’s really only half the story…
