Hey! Don't touch the baby!

That little stop sign hangs from Oliver’s baby carrier.  It is nicely displayed near the middle of the carrying handle for everyone to see. So why in the hell are people still touching him?!  What’s worse, it appears that the older he gets, the bolder crazy strangers get.

A good friend of mine gave me the stop sign shortly after Ollie was born.  I love it, I was sure that the sign would allow me to be passive aggressive about friends and family touching my newborn.  I had no idea that I would also need it to fight off complete strangers too. 

When he was first born and we would take him out, most people would keep their distance.  Friends and family would see the sign, say how cool they thought it was and still reach in for squeeze.  Strangers were, for the most part, good about keeping their distance.  Except it did seem like the older empty nesters and grandmothers felt they were exempt from the stop sign. 

Now that Ollie is 4 ½ months, big and squishy and will smile and coo at ANYTHING, I need a stick to fight the crazies off. Last week a checkout lady at a local store we frequent got so carried away she kissed his feet!  Seriously, CRAZY LADY MOUTH OFF THE FEET!

Then today while grocery shopping a super stranger, mid 50’s woman, pushes the hubs out of the way and says, “Let me have a look at that cute little baby!”  Then the psycho squeezes his leg and squeals.  Sure enough, Oliver does too!  He’s scared to death of the old bat. I had to unbuckle him and get him out of the carrier to calm him down.  Then she proceeded to follow us around apologizing.  Thankfully she finally let up at isle 10, because at isle 11 I was going to have to scream at her.

I live in the south.  So I have a fairly high thresh hold for southern hospitality and being neighborly. But, lately I have been pushed to my limit. Then again, no one should have to fight off feet kissers and leg squeezers, especially when they are complete strangers!

I should have known when I was pregnant and people treated me like a petting zoo, that there was no such thing as “personal space,” especially in the south.  But seriously, who would have thought that an innocent little baby would become a public petting zoo too?

I’m at a loss.  The stop sign doesn’t work, and faith in the whole personal space boundary is pointless. I’m going to have to be even crazier than the crazies if I want to venture out with my son, and not have him slobbered on by complete strangers.  Or at the very least carry around a stick to hit their grimy paws with.  I guess it’s time say screw southern hospitality and break out the, "don't mess with my little man" attitude.

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


foodpixie said...

Hubs and I learned that if you drape a blanket over the carrier, it greatly deters people from peeking in, and touching. Also, if you use a Bjorn or other body carrier they are less likely to touch because that means getting super close to you. And by you I mean your hubs...no one wants to get too close to mine. But they are free to ooh and awe from a distance.

I hated taking her out in public for the first month, she was so new and her immune system was still forming, and I couldn't believe the germy people who wanted to touch her.

Unknown said...

I need that sign! But hell yeah, I've almost tackled a couple people already... one in particular is someone that works as a bagger at the grocery store- she always takes the cart and pulls it away to get a good look at him. It takes every bit of me not to make a scene... freakin' people- I swear!

Mrs. Loquacious said...

Baby L is a cute baby and as such, she gets a lot of attention from strangers. Thankfully in my neck of the woods, most will ask me her age and then give some compliment without making contact, although on occasion I've had a stranger touch her leg before, and I've had acquaintances actually KISS her. I think that in the future, I will make a big ol' ugly scene if that happens. Over time, I'm finding that I am becoming *more* protective and particular about who gets to hold her or touch her, and I think it's important to protect her from "strangers" until she develops her own "stranger danger" instincts.

Fancy Pants said...

It's funny you have written about this as I had the WORST experience ever with this today TWICE!! I went to the pharmacy and the pharmacist actually started touching her legs and feet and asking if she was ticklish, I was floored and yelled NO. He persisted and was like, I'm sure I can find her spot, I said I was sure I could make a good knuckle sandwich, he looked like I was a psycho... Later in the day I had to stop in a parking lot to feed her because she was screaming to the point of no return. It's like 90 degrees out so I had the front windows down and back windows cracked about 4 inches. This guy walks up to the truck from clear across the parking lot and asks if I always have to sit in the back. I told him I was feeding my baby, so he walks to the back and peers in at my boob and her, then says she's really cute. I was shocked but it got worse he then reached in the front window to the back seat and rubbed her head, WHILE SHE WAS ON MY BOOB!!!! FING FREAKS!!! What is wrong with people!

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Omg! It sounds like you ran into the sex offenders list twice yesterday! Kind of scary...

AussieMummy said...

We almost caused a riot in Target today with all the women stampeding to come and squeeze Cooper's hands, feet and cheeks!