It is no secret my
husband and I have struggled the last four months with being new parents.
A friend told me "not even infidelity tests a marriage like being
new parents." I believe that is so true, because I went from having a
beautiful marriage, to one that was riddled with bickering, tears, and at times
full on yelling. Luckily, four months into being new parents I can
honestly say we are back on the mend.
The following are my top
five tips for new parents trying to find a happy balance of co-parenting.
- Communicate-
When I say
communicate, screaming and yelling are not going to cut it, trust me! No matter how mad or upset you are, you
have got to keep your cool to talk through the issue, otherwise the issue will
never get resolved.
I told my super
wonderful sister in-law, who is a nurse in Australia, that I felt like an awful
mother for screaming over Oliver.
She told me not only had she done a bit of screaming herself, every
mother does at one point or another in the early days. She promised her kids were fine, and
Ollie would be too. The hubs and I
just needed to learn to use our library voices to discuss our issues and
differences.
Communication is
key in the early days to understanding each other’s ideas and methods for
parenting, and calmly talking through the differences.
- Be Respectful-
I’m not sure why
this one was so difficult for me since before baby I had so much respect and
admiration for my very strong and talented husband. For some reason my inner
know-it-all princess bitch took over my ability to listen and respectful of my
husbands way of handling, changing, feeding, swaddling, bathing, oh hell name
it, I stood over him and threw up my two cents every time I thought
necessary. I was a maniac.
My husband is a
full hands on dad. He wants to do
everything he possibly can and lives to show me how well he can do it. I just never gave him the time and
respect in the early days to show me.
Had I given him space to do his thing, it would have saved tons of
arguments and I would have realized he’s a great father straight away. To this day only he can get Ollie to
nap in his crib during the day, I have created the co-napping monster.
Being respectful of
each other from the beginning will be so beneficial to your relationship, co-parenting
rhythm and baby.
3. Trust-
Oh my was this one
another major hurdle for my control freak ass! My husband, again very wise, strong and capable, but for
some reason when it came to our son I was afraid to leave him alone for too
long or trust him to follow the routine at night. This was so damning to our relationship I cannot begin to
tell you. I hurt my husband’s
feelings so many times by not showing him that I trusted him to do what was
best. Every time I would leave the
house or let him do the
something, I would give him a huge speech about how and when it should be
done. Ugh, writing that just made
me throw up in my mouth a little with disgust. My goodness, this baby is his too, how dare I dictate every
single thing?
Trusting your partner
will not only create a great parenting foundation, It will also decrease your
new parent anxiety by 98%, because now you have a partner you can trust to help
and support you.
- Take turns-
This is by far my
favorite tip. However, if you do not have tips 1-3 down, this is not going to
work so well. Taking turns is such
a wonderful way for both parents to test out their own parenting methods,
ideally without the other parent standing over them the whole time.
My husband and I
now take turns with diapers, play time, bath time and my all time favorite,
getting up in the morning. A
friend of mine taught me to take turns getting up with the baby, especially on
the weekends. This way both parents get to sleep in one day.
Taking turns really
helps to engage both parents and keep one parent from harboring animosity for
being the constant caregiver. My
girlfriend told me that she snapped at her husband when she was tired and
needed help. He told her that she
needed to ask him for help well before she got that annoyed. I think we all get to this point
eventually. Taking turns will
really help to alleviate that “main caregiver” animosity.
- Be patient
You both are new
parents. Raising a child is so far
from easy, it’s scary! Neither one of you knows everything, nor the best way to
do everything. It is essential
that a great team be patient with each other, and of course the ever changing
needs of the baby.
