Mother Knows Best!

I am just going to start by saying, I have always been a huge control freak and have issues with delegation, I have always been of the mind that it is easier for me to just do “it” myself, what ever "It" may be. That being said, I am an EPIC control freak when it comes to my son. I'm not going to even try to lie about the fact that I am positive I can care for my son better than anyone else. Yes, dad included… sorry dad.

I had heard of the whole "lioness" attitude a mother gets for her child, but I had no clue how hardcore it really was until I became a lioness myself. I keep trying to stand by and let my husband do his “daddy” thing, but I just cannot keep my mouth shut! I know what my son needs, how he wants to be held and how to quiet him in seconds and if daddy is not doing it right I tell him so! I know it may be rude to not let my husband find his own daddy methods for the madness, BUT if I know how to fix the problem then why the hell should I wait to fix it?

My shithead-ness knows no limits... I had my mom come over to help with Ollie the other day and when she wasn’t rocking him to sleep right I just went in took him from her and did it myself. In the moment it was all about calming my son and getting him to sleep. It was after the moment when I saw the hurt in my mom’s eyes that I realized how bitchy I was. It’s just so damn hard to stand by and let my son cry or fuss or need anything, especially when I know how to appease him!

I know it’s a fine line and that I need to ease up and chill out, but its rediculously hard for me! Honestly, I just don’t see why I have too. Again, if I know how to sort out my baby, why can’t I? I am trying my very best to let dad do his thing, and now my mom too (she did manage to keep me and my 2 siblings alive after all) but with everyone else… What can I say, it’s a process. ; )

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Anonymous said...

I'm going to be critical, I hope you'll forgive me.

At some point, you're going to go back to work and you being a 'lioness' is going to make that transition VERY hard on your son. You need to let your son be cared for by others so that he learns many different ways to be soothed, not just your special way. If you don't, your anxiety is going to be sky-high when you aren't taking care of him full-time anymore. You need to see that he is ok with other people caring for him... THEIR way. Also, please think about the way your actions are affecting your husband. You are essentially telling him that he isn't being a good father. And you aren't allowing your son to bond with dad in their own special way. You've already had moments when you realized that your way wasn't right (nap time when he wasn't sleepy). If he isn't being physically harmed, give other people a chance. It's good for him. Really. And it's even better for you and your relationship with your husband, mother, friends, co-workers, mailmen, etc. You being a control freak is going to cause you more trouble in the long run. I'm sorry, but "mother knows best" doesn't fit here.

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thank you. You are absolutely positively right! And you perfectly answered my question to "if I know how to sort him out, why can't I?" I know letting go is best for both of us (all three of is, Dad too!), it's just so damn hard! Maybe I should take a que from my favorite "Kiwi mom" and run to the end of the driveway! Plus, I really don't know what I'm doing and only learned what my son liked from my own trial and error, letting others care for him will probably let me learn a thing or two. I'm just such a silly know it all control freak when it comes to my boy!!! Sick I know... But I'm working on it, and thanks to your words I will step back even more. Especially with dad!


Kitten said...

I was just going to say, other people will have to take care of him and they will need to have learned how to do so. If you're always the one to settle him, you'll be the only one ABLE to settle him and then what happens when you need your mother to babysit one night while you and your husband have dinner together? He'll flip out.

I hate to say this, but I learned this the hard way. My son was the one I watched over and took from people (besides his father) and for the first two years of his life, anyone watching him besides his father or me caused misery for my son. We let my in-laws watch him one night and he cried the entire night for me and that was about the last time my husband and I had dinner our for a year. Don't let this happen to you.

Kiwi Mum said...

Sorry, but I agree with the other commenters - as sucky as it is, it's best for bubs to spend time with other people! Along with my 'run to the end of the driveway' strategy (always handy, unless it's cold and raining, and then it kind of sucks), I found the easiest way for me to cope with letting my husband do his thing was to do something just for me - I've had many long showers (Not a baths; showers block out noise so you can't hear anything and can convince yourself that baby is a-okay), and on a really anxious day, I went to the hairdresser for a cut and colour - that way I couldn't bail out and go running back to see my baby.
It worked really well for me and my husband; he got to bond with baby and try out things for himself and I got to indulge in something non-mum.
And on a slightly more sly note, I found that if I asked dad to show me something he did well, then I could work the conversation around to something that I did well for bubs that maybe he could try next time, without insulting or offending him.
That's just my 2 cents anyways :-) Being a mum is hard work - who would have thought that not being super mum would be the hardest part!