Goodbye Narcissistic Super Mum High Horse. Hello less anxiety and happy marriage!

Yesterday’s Blog, “Mother Knows Best was all about ME!  All about how I knew what was best for MY baby.  How I knew what MY baby needed, and how I needed to give it to him since not a sole was nearly as capable as I was.  I admitted to being a shit for it, I know my faults and will be the first to own up to them! What I didn’t really realize was that it is not about ME, it’s about Oliver.  Thanks to my wise and wonderful readers I realize how very wrong I am about knowing “everything” he needs to be happy.  Thank you to Anonymous, Kitten and Kiwi Mum for the wise words and well altogether Smack Down off my high horse!

The first slap came from Anonymous…

 “…You need to let your son be cared for by others so that he learns many different ways to be soothed, not just your special way. If you don't, your anxiety is going to be sky-high when you aren't taking care of him full-time anymore. You need to see that he is ok with other people caring for him... THEIR way. Also, please think about the way your actions are affecting your husband. You are essentially telling him that he isn't being a good father. And you aren't allowing your son to bond with dad in their own special way.”

Then Kitten…

“…Other people will have to take care of him and they will need to have learned how to do so. If you're always the one to settle him, you'll be the only one ABLE to settle him and then what happens when you need your mother to baby-sit one night while you and your husband have dinner together? He'll flip out...”

And dear Kiwi Mum…

“I found that if I asked dad to show me something he did well, then I could work the conversation around to something that I did well for bubs that maybe he could try next time, without insulting or offending him. 
That's just my 2 cents anyways :-) Being a mum is hard work - who would have thought that not being super mum would be the hardest part!”

Thank you all so much for helping me to realize that my high horse attitude of I can do it better than anyone else was wrong and well kind of pure narcissistic crap-ola!

I have learned three important things from each one of you that will no doubt make my life and that of my family SO much better!

  1. My husband does deserve to feel like a good dad and find his own way, which may possibly be better than mine in some ways.  (SO hard to imagine but whatever…  What?  I already admitted to being a shithead!)  He is a great dad and the very last thing I want to do is make him feel like he is not.

  1. My mother, family and friends want to care for Ollie and the time will come when I will desperately need them to as well.  If I don’t let them sort him out now it will be MUCH harder when he older he gets. And again, they may/probably will teach me a thing or two.

3.   I also need to back up myself!  I do need time to myself, anxiety free.  I will never achieve that if I don’t learn to trust other people with my son.  It’s hard now because he is so new and shiny and fun to play with and cuddle!  I don’t want to share and I do enjoy feeling like “Super mum!”  but not at the expense of Ollie’s ultimate happiness and sense of security.

From this day forward I promise to share my son, lighten up, get off my “Super mum” high horse and most of all. Let Go and Let… family and friends!  

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Kiwi mum said...

You know, just by admitting your faults you're stepping up for Ollie as a Super Mum of the best kind - 1 who puts their baby first! Good on you :-)

FirstTimeMomandDad.com said...

Thank you! You certainly are helping me get there! Il never look at the end of a driveway again without thinking of you with a smile! Big hugs!

Kiwi mum said...

Hahaha, thanks - I have to admit I think of you every time I see the postpartum stool softeners in the pantry (hmm seeing that in writing it doesn't seem nearly as flattering as one would expect...)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this. I am having a similar issue with my 7 week old and you have opened my eyes. It is so hard to hear my sweet boy cry, especially in someone else's arms...I'm not sure how yet, but I'm going to make a concerted effort to let my husband and other family members soothe him....without me stepping in to take over.......

Kitten said...

For all that I was all big talk, please know that I still attempt to take my newborn from people, including my mother in law who has raised six children, when she cries!

Additionally, sometimes you might think you're magic and you know how to solve your baby's problems really quickly, but it turns out that the reason your baby is calm is because it is you picking them up. My husband once took care of my first baby while I slept and he started to cry. I heard singing, and finally after about five minutes of frantic crying, my husband came near me. I joined in the song that my husband was singing, and my son stopped crying, looked at me, and his little hands started quivering in my direction. This was at less than two months!

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