Lessons Learned The First Week Of Motherthood

Since my husband and I are a couple of weeks behind on starting this blog, we have decided a couple of posts listing our lessons learned will have to suffice. So here goes week 1...

1. While I wish I could have delivered via natural childbirth, the C-section allowed us to have four days, four much needed days, in the hospital. Those four days provided us with nurses, a nursery, a lactation consultant, a cook, a drug dispenser, doctors and most of all answers to all of our questions! We needed a month, but those four days gave us a supervised crash course in caring for our brand new baby human.

2. Our son, while he is the cutest and sweetest baby boy we have ever seen, is a massive poop and pee machine. He pumps that stuff out by the buckets full! Oh, how I wish I had a picture if my husbands face when he saw that first black tar poop! Scared the crap out of him!
3. Silly me, I thought breastfeeding was this natural, easy thing baby would be a pro at. Ok, maybe he was/is, and I'm just the fool who could not get him in the right position. Either way, "easy" is not a word allowed near breastfeeding in my opinion.

4. My son has invisible piranha-like teeth, really he does! My nipples had the marks and cuts to prove it!

5. By the third night of not sleeping for more than 3 hours straight, the world stopped moving and I just became full-time baby feeder with short naps and half ass meals in between. I was quickly informed that this would continue you for the next four months and to suck it up.

6. Babies can create world peace with their scent and angelic faces. I think we need to send babies to the next world summit to cut through the bullshit and make the talking heads coo in delight as new parents do.

7. My husband and I thought we had an idea about how little we knew about having a baby, but it wasn't until we got home that we realized just how hopeless we were. We are also pretty sure our son has figured that out too, and that's why he cries.

8. Our son already smiles! I know the professionals say it's gas, but we say not! He likes us, or at the very least finds us amusing!

9. It's true, if you feed them, change them, love them and bathe them, babies are happy chaps! It's just a matter of doing all of the above often enough that can be challenging! Sometimes we have to change before AND after a feeding! I'm telling you my son is a crap machine!

10. Babies can eat, projectile poop and pee, especially boys! Always have the diaper open in the ready position when switching from dirty to clean.

11.ALWAYS make sure the boy's fire hose is pointed down in the off position nestled safely in the center of the diaper. If not you will have leaks every freaking time! It's embarrassing how long it took hubs and me to figure that out! Just because the diaper is on, it does not mean it's going to do it's job.

12. Having a fully hands on husband is not always a great thing... Especially when it's nap time and he won't put the baby down or take his hands off of him. Over stimulated baby is very real and will sabotage your...er his nap time!

13. A newborn will sleep up to 22 hours a day! Seriously! I thought something was wrong with him! Unfortunately, it's not for more than 2-4 hour stretches.

14. No one told me this, but a newborn loses weight once they are born! My son went from 8.4 pounds to 7.8 pounds before we left the hospital! They can loose up to 10% without it being an issue.

15. If you are going to breastfeed get used to whipping your tit out at the hospital in front of total strangers, family and even the person who brings the food in at meal times. It's weird, but for some reason, I always did it and like a pole dancing pro! Baby needs to eat, you will oblige, and innocent bystanders will watch.

16. Mothers instinct is very real and shows up quickly! I would even wake up 5-20 minutes before he would wake for a feeding. (I still do) It's amazing how it all works. The only problem I have is listening to my instinct. Please learn from my mistakes and go with your gut!

17. Newborns only need a sponge bath until the cord falls off and only every other day at the most. Cotton balls with warm water are awesome for the face. Beware those first sponge baths are difficult and babies HATE being cold.

18. The eyes kind of float around in his head at first, it's VERY freaky but normal. I kept turning his head and saying mommy is right here. I told you I was hopeless!

19. I thought my son was going to be a little eating, sleeping, pooping slug for the first six weeks of his life... Not even! He is filled with sweetness, good smells, smiles, a beautiful face and fingers that already squeeze! While there is not a lot of interaction, there is still enough to melt my heart and fill my world with bliss and love!

20. I've been terrified my whole life about becoming a mother. So much so, I just never wanted to be a mother. Now, I cannot and do not want my life to be any other way. I LOVE being a mommy to Ollie!

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com