4/22/15

Mom Confession: There Are No Photos. It's All My Fault. #EpicFail

I'm A Mom, so naturally, I have four-million-bagrillion photos of my child.

I think maybe five of them I am in, because 9.9 times out of ten, I hate how I look in the photo.

I'm too fat.

My face is broken out.

My dark circles (from still being sleep deprived!) make me look like a raccoon.

I'm in the same clothes I slept in...

Whatever the reason, I avoid the camera like the plague.



The first year of Ollie's life, I really avoided photos. I was fifty pounds over weight, constantly broken out from wild hormones, and most certainly not feeling like "myself".  Every time a photo was snapped of me, I would cringe and beg to have it deleted if I hated how I looked.

We never had family photos done when Ollie was a baby. To this day, I regret that so much.

Now that my baby is three, and turning into a big boy. And FAST! I find myself looking at his baby pictures and reminiscing about the feeling of holding him close, or nursing him at all hours of the night.  I miss him sleeping on my chest.

I miss lots of things I don't have the first photo of me doing.

I'm finally realizing how much it sucks not having photos of Ollie and I. I feel horrible that he will not have many baby photos with me in them.  I feel horrible that I have been so selfish. It was just so hard to not really recognize myself. My body and I changed so much during pregnancy. Three years later, I'm still struggling.

What if I died tomorrow? I know, such a super morbid thing to say, especially for me, but Ollie would not have many photos of us!

I'm starting to regret not being in the photos more than I would if I had just taken them, or not deleted them off FTD's computer when he wasn't looking. And the shots I do have, I'm ALWAYS wearing sunglasses. Or should I say, hiding behind sunglasses.

         

I need to either get over myself, or face not having many photos of me with my child while he's growing up.

I don't want that.

 I want plenty of photos.

And if that means, I end up looking like a broken out fat ass, with dark circles wearing Pajama pants, then that will just have to be my own lazy ass fault.

Of course, now is where I'm going to swear up and down that I'm going to start dieting and exercising  like a mom on a mission. I'm going to ditch the Yoga pants, and put on make-up.  I'm going to say "Cheese!" every opportunity I get.

Yep. I'm going to do all of those things.

But I suppose, until I achieve all of my lofty goals mentioned above, I'm going to have to suck it up and smile. Literally.

My friends, please learn from me; Before you run from a photo, think about not having it to share with your child, or worse, his children.

Surely, the only thing worse than looking fat and crazy in a photo, is having your grandchildren think you were always that old and wrinkly!



April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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