During the past three weeks, I went through every thought and emotion about having another baby. Truth be told, if I was preggers, it wouldn't have been a horrible thing. I do want Ollie to have a sibling, I just don't want to have to go through the pregnancy or those first 6-weeks of sleeplessness and fear. (At least I'm honest!)
I hate that I hated being pregnant, but I did. My first two trimesters were plagued by morning sickness, and the last trimester was filled with discomfort, sleeplessness and one hell of an attitude problem. No way do I want to sign up for that again.
Something else I spent a lot of time thinking about was how if I was pregnant, I was going to work extra hard to hold on to *ME* this time around. With Ollie, I dropped everything to be the "perfect mother." From the day I had my son, he was my first priority. I let go of myself, stopped working on my marriage and hanging out with friends and family. My life was 100% about my baby.
At the time, as a first-time mother, I thought that was how it should be. #EpicFail
Sad to say, three years later, I am still working on getting back to me. Every year I swear up and down I'm going to get back in my pre-pregnancy jeans, make more of an effort to hang out with friends, and be more fashionable and girly like I use to be. NO more yoga pants and slippers!
Have I followed through with any of that?
No. No. Hell no. No.
FAIL!
Well, thanks to my pregnancy scare, my ass has been kicked into gear.
I'll admit, when I thought I might be pregnant, I did start dreaming of another baby and how a sibling for Ollie would be awesome. I realized I would happily go through pregnancy for another Ollie. Even if I hate the entire 10 months. Though, I've been told no two pregnancies are the same, and if the first one sucked, the second has a good chance of not sucking.
HOWEVER!
Before I get knocked up, I have to, have to, have to, get my shit together! I have got to start working out regularly, get a couple regular girlfriend dates going, and make a space for me. I have an entire room of my house dedicated to my office... that I have yet to set up. I need a place to go to recenter and be reminded that I can't let go of me again.
My goal for March's "Be Mindful" 30/30 challenge is to spend at least 30 minutes a day getting my shit together. I'm already starting to fill my calendar with Pilates and yoga classes, girlfriend dates to concerts and movies, and a solid plan to devote time daily setting up my office and filling it full of things I love, with a meditating corner!
Even if we don't have another baby, it's so important for my internal happiness that I get to a place where I am happy with me and where I'm at with my career and life. I know it will not only make me happier, but a better parent too. Especially, if I become a parent of two!
What about you... What would you do differently your second (or third) time around? Did you let go of you, or did you manage to hold on to a healthy parent/me balance?
