My Toddler Is A Professional Bitch-Slapper

Is there something about turning three that makes a toddler lose his mind and hearing? Because it seems like overnight, my toddler has lost his damn mind and hearing.

This is my entire day:

Me: Stop That!

Toddler: ...

Me: Dude! Stop.

Toddler: ...

Me: Oi! Are your listening ears broken?

Toddler: ...

Me: Come here, right now!

Toddler: *Runs Away*

Me: Want a cookie?

Toddler: *Turns around and runs towards me*

WHAT THE HELL?

Lately, like since turning three last week, he only obeys maybe 10% of the time. The worst part is a month ago he was at about 75%. I'm the mommy! I'm in charge! What the hell is his problem? It's like the older he gets, the bigger his balls get!


It's not right. I feel like I spend most of my days in shock over how naughty he is. The kid is unreal. If he wants to do something, he does it. I feel like I'm constantly getting bitch slapped by a toddler. He's three! THREE!  How can I feel so run over by a three year old?

It's a wonder I have not completely lost my mind and voice. All I do all day is have my mind blown by a wild three foot crazy person while repeating myself ONE THOUSAND TIMES AN HOUR!

Stop that.

Stop it.

Dude. STOPPPPPP ITTTTTT!

Do you want to go to Time Out?

Alright. Let's Go. Time out.

COME BACK HERE!

TIME OUUUUT!!!!!

All day I have to tell myself to stay strong. Be firm. Be Consistent. Don't give up. Keep at it.You're the boss. You make the rules. Don't let him win!

I know everyone says three and four are tough years and then it gets better, but, HOLY SHIT!  I'm going to need WAY more than the Force to survive the next SEVEN HUNDRED DAYS!!!!

The kid is a professional bitch slapper.

How about you? Is your toddler a professional bitch slapper too?  Or am I the only one with a crazy ass kid who's ears must be so packed full of bullshit that he not only can't hear shit, he dishes it out all day!


April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

14 comments:

Nathalie said...

"Mom, you're going to have to adjust your attitude" is a direct quote from my 3 year old last week. Welcome to the club. :)

April FirstTimeMom said...

Dammit! At least I'm in good company.... What was that about boxed wine IV's?

Claire said...

I've told you from day one the week of Sam's 3rd birthday he woke up and I just remember thinking what happened to my sweet little boy. The terrible 2's had nothing on terrifying three's. God help me with Amber she's had the attitude since she was 9mths old and it's more 3 going on 13!!!

April FirstTimeMom said...

Gaaaaaa!! I wanted to believe my boy would be different!

Nathalie said...

I never know whether to laugh or cry! Boxed wine IV it is!

Anonymous said...

OMG YES!!
"Don't do that"...
"You no tell me!!"
"I said DONT DO IT"..
"Go away mummy!"
"I will not go away, don't do it!!!
"Yes I can!"
"Right you're going to the naughty corner"
"Me no corner!"

Seriously?! And what can I do next? I usually then move into threats.. "You better get in that corner right now or no going to sport class this afternoon". Thankfully that usually works.

April FirstTimeMom said...

WTH??? It's treats and bribes all day over here too!!

Layes Landing said...

"Mommy, Ssshhhhsshh!! YOU are TOO NOISY! Yet me be happy with dis!!"

Desiree :> said...

So... my kids are still stuck in the Toddler "no listening" stage and they are 6 and 4.5 yrs old. They also respond very well to the words "cookie", "candy" and "ice cream". That's about it! I have never yelled so loud in my whole life and I think I'm going deaf because of it! "don't run in the house with your sock on!" they do it anyway... I have tried to help them, but it seems they are determined to do things the "hard way" - I guess the "school of hard knocks" is in session! :>

Anonymous said...

I take toys away from my daughter when she's misbehaving and she will straight up get up in my face, screaming at the top of her lungs, beet red in the face, "Give me back X; I want X NOW!" Straight into time out at the point before she gets knocked into the middle of next week.

I would NEVER raise her they way my parents (mostly dad) raised me ("The beatings will continue until morale improves"), but Jesus I would have NEVER dared to scream at my father that way because it sure as hell would only happen oncde.

April FirstTimeMom said...

The 70s and 80s sure we're adifferent time! Even teachers and principals could continue the beatings until moral improved. I snaked Ollie's hand once, and he smacked mine back!

Anonymous said...

I hate to be this person, I do. April, I think your blog is brilliant and I love reading it. I'm not one to talk as my little one is turning one, but what about positive reinforcement? The yelling all day can't be fun for mama or baby and it's not producing results. It may be time for a new strategy...

April FirstTimeMom said...

Just wait my friend... Toddlers are special people. Positive reinforcement is certainly used in my house.... However, it doesn't always work.

Anonymous said...

I'm in the same boat. I try so hard to stay strong and calm. I'm a mother of a very strong willed 4 year old. I'm glad I get reinforcement from my friends and family members that I'm doing the best I can, that I raised a smart, goofy, stubborn at times, creative, and sociable daughter. That's all you can do; love them and take care as best of your ability and more.

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