10/27/14

I'm Hiding The Truth From My Son For As Long As Possible.

Prior to meeting FTD, right after my 30th birthday, I was sure I would never have children, for two really good reasons:

1. I thought I was just too selfish to be a good mother. (What? At least I'm honest!)
2. I felt like the world was just too jacked up to bring a child into it.

Then... I saw how FTD lit up around children, and what's more, how wonderful he was with them. I'm sure it helps that FTD is a super big child himself... I knew there was no way I could keep FTD from having a child of his own. I also decided where I thought I'd lack in the parenting department, he would make up for it.

I was right, he is AMAZING with our son, and a better father than I ever could have imagined. I also have to say, I'm a much better mother than I thought would be! I think it's the overwhelming love I have for my son that has turned me from selfish, to selfless.

All of that being said, all the love we have for our child, doesn't change how jacked-ass-up the world is. But if my son has taught me anything, it's that when we are alone together, the world is perfect, peaceful and wonderful. I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible, by shielding him from the horrific realities of the world.  What he doesn't know, can't worry or scare him.



Even after watching the most horrific images and stories on the news, when I hold my son close, the evil melts away from my heart. In those quiet moments there is nothing but peace and happiness in my heart. I want to maintain that for both of us for as long as I can. I don't want my son to know about the horrors in the Middle East, or the sadness in the hearts of those who have lost a loved one, or my fears about him starting schools, where it seems children are no longer safe.

I know some parents think you should be honest with a child. Tell them Santa is not real, or that the world is a scary place, but that's not my style. I hate having anxiety and fear. No freaking way am I going to subject my son to either. I want him to live in a wonderland of peace and happiness for as long as possible, because in a second that could be taken from us.

I don't care if it's wrong to hide it all from him, I'm going to. Seriously, why the hell would I subject my child to such pain and fear? I want my kid to feel safe, and worry-free for as long as possible.

His only problem is where to put the peg...
If only life could stay so uncomplicated.

It's also imperative that my son knows about God. I want him to always know someone is looking over him and loves him as much as I do.  I want him to know there is always hope.  God gives me strength and hope in my darkest moments, I know he will do the same for my son. I find deep solace in knowing if something happens to FTD and I, Ollie will know he still has a father who will love and provide for him.

I know, this is all very off for me, talking about God and the crazy-ass world, but this is what parenting does to me; changes me and and my priorities. Lately, I find myself saying little prayers of thankfulness for the peace around me, the sun on my face, the freedom I have, the blessings in my life... I just can't take it all for granted. My son has taught me to appreciate the small things, and not sweat the big things I can't control. That's a huge blessing in itself!

Who knows what tomorrow will bring, so why poopoo all over today with sadness and the "truth"? Screw that! I want my son to live as long as possible worry-free and unscathed by the realities of the world. I'm closing the blinds on hate, terror, terrorist, war and worry for as long as I can. I going to give my kid the best life possible by making as many of his days on earth about love, peace and happiness, because that's what every child deserves.



April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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