I Just Want To Hold On To This Moment...

I'm not sure if it was me going away this past weekend, or what, but I am clinging to my child like a magnet on a refrigerator.  Everyone said it would be him behaving like that after a weekend away, but it's not him, it's me!  I just want to hold him and smother him with hugs and kisses. I keep finding myself staring and smiling at my son.  My beautiful, kind, articulate, amazing little son. "Little" being the operative word.  I see him now in all of his 2-year-old three-foot glory, and know it will not last long. For some reason, now more than ever, I want to hold tight to each moment and memorize every little finger, toe and eyelash.

While going through some old photos the other day, I began to panic when I realized that I was already forgetting moments from Ollie's baby days. I couldn't remember when photos were taken, and sometimes even how old Ollie was in the photos. It scared me. I don't want to forget my baby. I don't want to forget his giggle, fat rolls or even those crazy sounds he made those first few months. I don't want to forget his first words, steps or even tears. I don't want to forget anything.

Some of the very best moments I will not have photos to help my memory. Like today, I was laying on the couch when Ollie came over and out of nowhere leaned in for a hug and kiss.  It was such a beautiful moment. And then as fast as he came, he ran away.  I watched his sweet little feet bounce away and his cute little butt follow. It's moments like that I want to cry I am so overwhelmed with emotion.  It's moments like that I am reminded of the true beauty of motherhood, and just how incredibly blessed I am to have a child.

If Ollie really is going to be my one and only child, I want to remember everything.  I want to slow down time and enjoy every moment of his life, even the ones that make me want to hide in the closet with wine and chocolate. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a race to raise him. I look forward to milestones and forget to fully appreciate the ones he has already met. I hate to admit it, but somedays I am so jealous of the moms who's kids are in school all day.  I have to stop.  I have to appreciate the blessing that is being able to be a work-from-home mother. 

Sorry for the incredibly sappy post, but I am so overwhelmed with love for my sweet little boy. The little boy who one day will grow up, fly out of the nest and leave me crying over a photo album full of memories. Memories of moments that I am living right now. Moments I am going to do my best to slowdown and take the time to fully absorb and remember.

In addition to being the founder of First Time Mom and Dad, April is an award-winning published writer. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com


Join The Discussion!

The Archives