12/11/13

Is it just my Toddler, or can all of them lap me in a race?

It all happens so fast.  Babies go from being newborn slugs to floppers and then crawlers.  Then the crawlers turn into cruisers and finally walkers. All of this happens in just a matter of months.

I have loved watching my little baby become this mobile little deviant toddler. He thinks sitting still is for losers and stays fast and loose all day long.  To be honest, I didn't mind chasing his mobile mayhem bottom around so much at first. I need to lose a few pounds around the ole butt-gut.  (That's right sometimes I look in the mirror and think my ass is on backwards. I'm working on it!) However, my delight in Oliver's need for speed ended when the little bugger lapped me in Target!



At 22 months old, this kid is an ass hauling toddler that can out run me in a sprint. NOT RIGHT! Which naturally has given him the confidence to start wanting to walk everywhere and be independent.  Gone are the days of him sitting in the cart at the grocery store.  Even the days of bribing him to sit still with toys and treats are gone.  Ollie is a mobile machine whether FTD and I like it or not. To which, with the exception of being at home, we really don't like it.

I absolutely dread taking him out now.  The minute he gets out of the car he wants to walk.  It doesn't matter where we are, or  how many people are there, he needs to get footloose and fancy free, PRONTO! Needless to say, when we are out and about we do not want him walking pretty much 75% of the time.  Really more than that, but I don't want to make it seem like FTD & I are baby jailers.

We are in a constant power struggle with a toddler. He wants his freedom. We want our sanity and his safety. So, FTD and I take turns getting kicked and pushed and screamed at in public. Yep, we are those people…  We don't even attempt to put him in the grocery cart anymore. No wait, that's not entirely true… Sometimes when we can't take anymore toddler palms to the clavicle, we will let him stand in the back of the cart.  Of course one parent holds him still, while the other pushes.  This sucks, but it works. Every once in a while when the store is empty, we will let him down to walk.


Now that it is winter,
I have even started taking him to the mall before it opens to let him run wild!

So, the part about getting lapped...

The other day I was alone with Ollie in Target, and could not take it anymore, I let the guy down.  We were in the baby area so he was happy to stay still playing with everything at eye level.  Then, out of the corner of his eye he sees a little boy walk by. ZOOOOOOM… He was off. He didn’t even drop the little toy truck he was playing with. 

I chased after him yelling, “Ollie STOP!” He didn’t even look back.  Before I knew it, he was at the end of the aisle and I was having trouble keeping up with him. I was actually in a full sprint at Target chasing what I am sure will be a future Olympic runner, while yelling STOP!  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 

What happened to the good ol’ days when the serial killer fast walk would catch up to him in 4 steps?  Now I have to run like a crazy lady yelling empty threats.  Is this motherhood of a toddler?  Really?

Lesson #444 to add to the non existent 'The Ugly Truth about Parenting a Toddler' book:  Your toddler will not only run from you in public, but make you look like a slow cow in the process.

Ahhhhh the freaking joys! 




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In addition to being the founder of First Time Mom and Dad, April is an award-winning published writer. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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