Sep 13, 2013

Epic Fail: Why I should not be allowed out in public.

Growing up I was never one to idolize famous people. I did not wall paper my walls with teen stars like my friends did, or get all crazy over boy bands like the NKOTB.  Up until two hours ago, I could safely say I have never been star struck when meeting or seeing ANY famous person. (FYI: I grew up in miami, have spent loads of time in NYC-and live in a city where famous people flood to once a year. I have met and seen a few.)

Thanks to one famous author, that has all changed. BIG TIME. Now, I am a total freaking star-struck loser who should be committed for being a bumbling idiot! What happened you ask? I cried.  I cried over my literary idol, and I feel like such a loser!


Picture it, a book signing for Sue Grafton's latest book W is for Wasted, people everywhere. I am so excited I am going to pee my pants. The problem is that the minute I laid eyes on Mrs Grafton, I didn't pee my pants, I peed my eyes. Dammit, where is the hole when you need it to crawl into!?! Yes, I made a complete and utter fool out of myself in front of the great Sue Grafton, author of the Kinsey Millhone alphabet mysteries.

Before I tell you anymore about my social suicide, I think I should at least build my case for it.

It all started in 2001 on a road trip with my mother. Since we had a 12-hour trip ahead of us, we thought it would be a good idea to check an audio book out of the library to listen to, to break up the drive.  After reading through the thrillers I thought, A is for Alibi, sounded great, so I checked it out.  We LOVED it!  Both my mom and I were immediate fans.

When we got back from our trip, I checked out the next four books in Sue Grafton's alphabet mysteries series. When I finished those books, I went back for F is for Fugitive, but they only had the audio book, so I checked it out. I decided I would listen to the book while I walked the track at a park near my house.  Long story short, I ended up listening to the next few books on tape and walking.  I highly recommend this to anyone trying to lose weight.  Mysteries keep you walking!

Within the year, I burned through the remaining 'alphabet mysteries,' and since have highly anticipated and cherished each new book.

Ok, now that I have proven my awe for the incredible talent of Sue Grafton, the case for my love of the alphabet mystery books, and the mounds of nostalgia I have from the road trip with my mom and weight loss from walking thanks to the books... I can move on with my, Why I should not be allowed out in public story...

I suppose the first warning sign that I was turning into a bit of a crazed fan, was when six years ago for Christmas, my sister got, T is for Trespass, signed for me.  You all. I cried!  OH. MY. God.  I am rolling my eyes at that too!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

Since, I have had every book signed. Well, my sister has. One year I was in OZ with FTD, then two years ago I was bed ridden with a massive man-child-baby growing in my belly... So this year, was the year for me.  I was going to get my book signed. By Sue Grafton. Right there in front of me.  WHOO HOO!!

When the day finally came, FTD came home from work early to look after Ollie so I could go to the book signing, man-child free. Still, the signing was in a really cool part of town, so FTD and Ollie came along, so they could walk the street and look at the shops while I was at the signing.  When we got in the car it hit me.  I was really going to meet her. I was a nervous wreck.  FTD was completely mortified.  So much so, he started making fun of me.  It actually helped.  By the time we pulled up, I was calm, cool and ready to do it!  After all, all I had to do was walk up, hand her my book and say thank you. I could do that!


Or. Not

Fast forward to me walking into the room where she was signing...

The minute I saw her I teared up.  fuck. <---- That's what I thought.  I actually said a prayer, begging God to help me get through this without crying like a freaking idiot.  I guess I was late with the prayer, because it didn't work. When it was my turn, her assistant asked if I wanted a picture.  I mumbled something that hopefully sounded like, Yes, because I handed over my phone and walked up to Mrs Grafton... eyes FULL OF TEARS!  Oh. My. God. Why me?

I told her she was my idol, and that she was the greatest.  She hugged me, and then we took the picture. Eyes full of tears and all. Again I ask, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME????  She signed the book to me and Oliver, then gave me another hug. Then told me to hug Ollie for her. Oh. My. Lord.




She is the most wonderful person.  <----- I told her that too.  I walked away so filled with joy... and embarrassment. I asked for a tissue from the book store attendant so I could clean up before FTD saw me.  I knew he would make SO much fun of me!

I may have also told her meeting her was something on my, "Bucket List."  Again, where is the hole when you want to crawl into it?!  Yes, it was all true, and the way I felt, but dammit, why did I have to lose it in front of her?!  I am so not cool.

When my tears were all dried up, I left the book store and went out to find FTD.  I told him what I did, and to my surprise he hugged me and said he thought it was great, and that I did fine. Then I looked at the photo.  Holy crap!  I could not have taken a worse photo, from a worse angle-- complete with tears in my yes!


I showed it to FTD and told him I blew it. My one photo with my literary idol was ruined by my freakish behavior!  FTD looked at me and said, "It's ok, I know how you feel.  Every time I look at my photo with Ron Jeremy, I cringe at the shirt I was wearing."  I laughed so hard.  If nothing else, I got my book signed, a photo with Sue Grafton, and further affirmation that I married someone who is just as big of a ding as me.

What about you?  You ever cry all over you idol?




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My husband and I are clueless first time parents. We are far from childhood development professionals. We cannot and will not be held responsible if you take us seriously, especially because we don't even take ourselves seriously.



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