This post I wrote the night before I delivered my sweet little boy. Reading it now brings back all of the emotions and fear that I felt. What a ride pregnancy is. What a ride...)
Twas the night before delivery and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even the cat. Husband and wife staring at each other with fear, for tomorrow baby will be here!
I have spent the entire day doing everything I can to keep my mind off of tomorrow. I am nervous, scared, excited, relieved, worried, I mean every emotion possible I am cycling through. When I stop to think about it all my mind races. I just need to make it to delivery. I need to hold him in my arms and know everything is ok so I can relax. I really am feeling very overwhelmed by it all, and of course very excited at the same time. I am also really excited to see how my husband reacts. At 40 years old he thought his chances were over, he thought he couldn’t even have children. Tomorrow his dream will come true, and I am so excited to see how he takes it all in.
FYI-Here was my big eye opener of the day…Oddly enough I didn’t even realize until my friend called and said, “I bet you are so excited today is your last day of pregnancy!” I really hadn’t thought about that, it really is going to end! I just expect an after shock period that makes me think it is all still wrapped in “being pregnant.” But, now I wonder how it will actually feel not to be pregnant anymore.
I have spent the day thinking this is my last day of being a non-mom, it really never crossed my mind that my pregnancy would be over. (I know how weird it sounds, but I bet a few of you are completely following me here.) I’ve spent the last 9 months and 3 weeks having my body taken over by an extreme force of nature. Tomorrow will I really get some level of control back? Sweet mother of mercy please oh please let me have control of my emotions back! I want to stop crying for no reason and being so damn annoyed by my husband!
I honestly cannot believe I am even writing this blog right now. I feel so mindless and tired and for lack of a better word, jumbled. My husband is walking around taking pictures of everything and begging me to let him take more pictures of me. God give me patients with this man!!
To all of you, my wonderful readers, thank you so much for not letting me feel like I was alone or crazy for feeling the way I felt over the last 9.3 months. Thanks for encouraging me to continue to write about my pregnancy. Thanks for letting me know while I may still be going to hell for saying such filthy things about pregnancy, articulated with filthy words, it was exactly how you felt too- you were just smart enough to not say it out loud, to the world no less!
I am going to try to sleep now, and be thankful for making it to the finish line with a big baby, and one hell of a support group! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I will post all the details, and of course his name ASAP! Xx
(For those of you who did not follow me on TOBP, my son's name was not decided upon until after he was born. FTD and I could not agree on a name. I wrote quite a few posts about the agnst of naming my child. FTD LOVED Oliver from the very beginning. I was not sold... I wanted Finley. However, when I saw my baby's face I knew instantly he was an Oliver.)
(For those of you who did not follow me on TOBP, my son's name was not decided upon until after he was born. FTD and I could not agree on a name. I wrote quite a few posts about the agnst of naming my child. FTD LOVED Oliver from the very beginning. I was not sold... I wanted Finley. However, when I saw my baby's face I knew instantly he was an Oliver.)
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