T-Rex doesn't stand a chance against my baby!





Earth-Shaking Vocal Cry:


If my boy is mad, you will know, your mother will know and your aunt sally in Denver will know.  If you take a toy away from him, you will be sorry. If you try to put him to sleep early, the neighborhood will be sorry. If he wakes up and no one comes to him within two minutes, everyone in the house will be sorry.  If he is riding in the back of the car and becomes bored, tired or hungry, the traffic lights will shatter along with the car windows. If you run out of food before he is finished eating... you will be very sorry...


Tiny Arms:

He may have tiny arms, but his hands are MASSIVE!  If you stand too close to him when he starts a fit of waving, you will be slapped.  If you try to feed him food on a spoon that he does not like, you and the spoon will be slapped.  If you try to take away a toy, you will be slapped.  If you try to give him raspberries on his belly, you will be slapped.  If you have pissed him off in anyway, and are in tiny arm's reach... you will be very sorry...




Razor Sharp Finger Nails:

I can clip this baby's nails every night, yet he still wakes up with eagle talons ready to draw blood.  I have had my eyelid scratched, my inner lip cut, my neck sliced, my breast pinched to near scaring and my hand shredded... all before breakfast.

Messy Eater: 

This is not a joking matter. 'Messy eater' is an understatement.  When he is finished eating the floor, cat, chair, his hair, my hair, his face, my face, his hands, my hands, his clothes, my clothes, all look like a giant has thrown up all over us... twice. I have given up trying to make a clean affair out of meal times.  I just make a kill room out of plastic like on Dexter and hope for the best.  When he starts insisting on feeding himself with the spoon and fork, I will start wearing goggles.

Awkward Gait:

Now that he is a cruising one step wonder, nothing is safe, including himself and anything in his way. He trips over his toes, ankles, feet, toys, furniture, pretty much anything in his way, but keeps on trucking.  When he is hightailing it in crawl mode, he will climb mountains of toys to get to his next destination.  NOTHING! stands in his baby way. He falls, crawls and conquers.

Capable of Destroying an Entire House:

Not only is he capable of destroying an entire house... he is capable of destroying the White House filled with Secret Service agents.

My boy knows no boundaries...

Cat food: Dumped
Toys: Thrown
Cups of Water: Knocked Over
Papers: Shredded
Rules: Non-existent
Drawers and Cabinets: Emptied
Doors: Pounded Down
Laundry: Mounded
Furniture: Smashed
Tables: Cleared with one swoop of the arm
Diapers: Destroyed



Yeah,T-Rex didn't stand a chance... My baby is badass!







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Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

10 comments:

Honeybee said...

I must say having a baby can be so stressful. I have only two children at home, but our home always sounds like we have 10 kids. Stressful but raising a child is a wonderful journey on its own.

http://newdadsclub.blogspot.com/

Jessika said...

hehehe...

Katie said...

Ha!

Layes Landing said...

So TRUE here too! Very funny the way you put it, maybe I'll laugh next time I get screamed at.....

Happy Little Feet said...

Sounds like our kids might be twins! My youngest sonic scream renders all adults deaf on command. He also has the ability to stop all thinking for days at a time.

Noel Bressler said...

Haha-we havent gotten into destroyer territory yet, but I can certainly sympathize!

Jen Provenzano said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED this! Maybe I'm raising a dinosaur too and that's why it's so hard ;)

Quirky Chrissy said...

LOL! You crack my shit up. Seriously. :)

Roshni AaMom said...

Awesome! At least you're safe from the next T rex invasion!! :P

Anonymous said...

LOOOOOONNNNGGGG time lurker and reader. I have never had the guts to comment on anything. I just LOVE reading your stories!!! It makes me feel like I am not the only parent out there that does certain things or looks at their children certain ways! Anyways, long story short....This post made me bust up laughing so hard that I woke up my "husband" that was sleeping upstairs!!! Thank you!

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