4/27/12

Mommy (and Daddy!) Fail #5


Today I met the hubs and his family, in from Australia, for lunch at a local deli. When I walked in I gave hellos and hugs and then of course gave Ollie a big smile and kiss.When I leaned in to him I thought I smelled a stinky booty, but it was not that bad so I left him with dad, placed my order and ran to the restroom to wash my hands. When I got back to the table dad had Ollie dangling out in front of him about a foot. Oliver had crapped his diaper and over flowed on dads lap. FUNNY!

Of course the hubs is begging me to take him, but after one look at his lap I laughed and said, “Hell No! I can see what he did to you. Why would I sign up for that?!” I grabbed the diaper bag and told dad to follow me to the restroom so I could change Ollie. I was in work clothes and the damage had already been done to dad, no way was I carrying him to the loo. Obnoxious dad walked through the deli with Ollie dangling a foot out in front of him crying the whole time about his shorts. I couldn’t stop laughing!

As I opened the door to the restroom I realized there was no changing station. There was nowhere to change him in the small bathroom except the floor. NOT HAPPENING! I turned back to dad, still dangling Ollie and told him we were in need of a fast Plan B. Dad said, "what about the car?" Brilliant! Me, dad and dangling Ollie b-lined for the car. Of course since it was lunchtime the parking lot was packed and there was no way to change him in the front or back seat easily. Good ol’ dad still full of great ideas says, “What about the trunk?”

POP! Trunk is now open, changing mat laid out and the eagle has landed! I pull off Oliver’s clothes and slowly peel open the diaper. The whole time crybaby dad is telling me, “there is no way there is any shit in the nappy, it’s all over me bloody shorts!” Of course the diaper is full! What’s not full is the wipe container. There are three left. I need 300! Finally dad cracks a smile because he knows the chances of me getting poo all over me trying to clean up the diaper explosion were pretty good.

I use the filthy diaper to wipe as much off as possible, then use every ounce of real estate the wipes have to offer to finish the job. A few minutes later, dad’s shorts are a loss, my hands need a hot water scrub down, and Oliver is smiling and cooing in the trunk of the car. I was going to have dad take a picture for the baby book, but we both agreed that a picture of our 3 month old son in the trunk of the car, smile or not, was going to say 1000 of the wrong words. We settled for a high five and got to work on the next mission, feeding Oliver.

I went the restroom first to wash my hands, got Ollie back from dad and then went to the cashier to asked for a coffee cup of hot water. I went back to the table just as my lunch arrived, popped the bottle in the cup of hot water to be warmed up and started to eat my sandwich ,full of mommy satisfaction. Dad returned a few minutes later with wet shorts and a little less satisfaction. The Aussies were impressed since they know we are clueless. Yeah so maybe we stuck our son in the trunk of the car, we still solved the problem, no harm no foul. As usual mommy fail equals lesson learned!










Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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