I Live In America, How Can This Be?

I'm struggling with sending my son to school. Big time...

School starts in three weeks and I have yet to sign my son up. Granted, it's just for pre-k, but thanks to the school shootings and unrest, every time I go online to sign him up, I freeze up. I'm definitely thinking about keeping him home another year with me. Maybe even homeschooling.

He's ready for kindergarten. He can read, write his name, color in the lines, and sit quietly for story time. So it's not like he needs the education part of it. But I know in my heart, he really needs the social part of it. But what good are social skills, if you're in a school shooting?

Oh, it makes my tummy turn when I think about it.

I just can't get my head around the fact that I live in America and I'm afraid to send my child to school. Truth be told, I've been begging my husband to move back to Australia. They don't have guns. They don't have school shootings. I would happily send my son to school in Australia.

Who would've thought I'd want to move away from the United States of America for a better life for my family? Especially, when that's what this country was built on. People coming for a better life. At least, that was the case at one time...

And with this incredibly jacked up Presidential election going on, I don't foresee peace and harmony being restored to the States anytime soon.

It's hard being a parent today. I lay in bed with my son every night and hold him close. I thank God for our warm bed, the roof over our head, and the peace I have in that moment with him, because the media is a constant reminder how of quickly that peaceful moment can be taken.

So here I am, a mother with a four-year-old child and afraid to send him to school. Even the both of us need that time away from each other. Even though I know it's the best thing for him. I can't help but want to keep him home with me in a bubble. Safe.

I know I have to send him to school. I know I have to let him grow up. I know I have to let him live. I know I can't let terrorism stop me from living. But holy shit it's so hard.

To all the parents who are battling the same thoughts and fears, my heart goes out to you because it's a really crappy place to be.

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com