A Few Top Thoughts From My Mom Bag(gage)

There's nothing like a holiday weekend packed full of HOURS of non-stop ridiculousness dumbassery excitement with my child. Nothing.

Over the last four days, my four-year-old managed to delight, annoy, enlighten, teach, piss me off and leave me looking at his dad saying What the Fu... Sometimes, he did all of those things in less than five minutes.

In honor of his Oscar-winning performance of an insanely kind, crazy, annoying and adorable, four-year-old, I thought I would share a few of my top thoughts from my mom baggage .

1. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. It's constant. Even when the little buggers are sleeping, you are still stressing. I spent the weekend stressed out about my son and his love for fireworks, and his inability to grasp what a "safe distance" means. I spent more time watching him during the fireworks, than the fireworks. It was almost like the only way I could enjoy myself, was if I knew my son was safe and happy first.

2. I don't give my son enough credit. He is so freaking smart. I realize more and more, he's ten times smarter and understands about 100% more than I give him credit for.  He's capable of so much more than I allow him to do, or think he will understand. I have got to stop that.

3. When little kids say bad words it's only funny the first time. I'll be the first to admit when my son would say bridge, but it sounded like bitch, I would laugh every time. Or when he would throw a ball at me and tell me to "catshit", I would lose it. But when my son starts telling me he needs to take a Piss, every time he has to go, I don't like it.  Or when he says, What the hell?, like it's normal for him to say it, I don't like it. Little children, should have the cute sweet vocabulary and nothing else.

4. Some of the shit my kid does can be so annoying, but I have no idea how to correct it without hurting his independence and creativity. Recently, my son learned about surprise parties and scaring people. So, every time I turn the corner, he yells, SURPRISE! or BOO! Then, immediately says, Did I scare you? When I say every time, I really mean, all of the time. sometimes I am sitting on the couch and he'll walk up to my face and yell it. Holy shit. It is SO annoying. I have tried to explain the whole part about I shouldn't see you coming, and that it doesn't work a thousand times a day, but he loves doing it so much, the smile is too cute to put a complete end to it. So, sometimes I play along and act scared. The only saving grace in all of this is that soon this will be forgotten when he moves on to another annoying thing.

5. I think there is a boy vs. girl divide coming. Wouldn't you know, most of my closest girlfriends have little girls. Which was not an issue until now. Now, my boy-girl playdates have turned into bored children not wanting to play together. After a little thought, I realized that the older my son gets, the more gender specific the toys become and the same for the girls. Well, most of them. My little guy plays with Star Wars stuff, trucks, sand, sticks, airplanes and much to my horror, toy guns. When his girlfriends come over, they aren't so interested.  The good news is that redirecting both of them to nongender-specific activities alleviates some of that divide.

6. Sometimes I don't know who needs a throat punch more, me or society. I've been a parent long enough to know, it's impossible to perfectly parent by societies norms and rules. They change daily. There are too many so-called experts and super parents out there, contradicting the next or proving the other wrong with "new data". By the time you have the newest method down, the next newest comes out. There was a time when I wanted so bad to be the perfect mom. What a waste. Sure, there are times now I second guess myself and follow the guidelines. Only to realize, I should have followed my mother's instinct. As usual. No child is the same, so how can the rules, norms, and mannerisms all be the same? I call BS.

7. Am I the only mother that starts singing really loud when the ice cream truck comes down the street? Hell no I don't want to pay for that ice cream. So, I sing. loud. It works.


April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com