The Elf on the Shelf...

I love Christmas. I love Santa too. I don't remember when I found out about Santa not being all I thought he was (real), but clearly it wasn't earth shattering... or maybe it was and I have blacked it out... regardless...  I love Christmas with or without Santa.  Will I tell my son Santa is the real deal?  Hell Yes!  No way am I going to be that parent.  You know, the parent who is responsible for the cynical child that tells every kid in the sandbox that Santa is not real... Is there even that parent out there? 

Anyways... Santa...load of wank. Lie. Do we as parents have a moral code to lie to our kids about Santa?  Yep.  Thank you Coca-cola. Thank you for turning St. Nick, the man who would leave a coin in your shoe, into a big fat dude with some flying reindeer that turns up with gifts for good little boys and girls. Two points Coca-cola... Thanks for giving me a bargaining chip to use with children to get them to behave.  

I learned last year that somewhere along the way children stopped worrying about pissing off Santa. So much so, an elf has been sent to sort the naughty little shits out... enter the Elf on the Shelf.  a.k.a Christmas load of wank #2. 

This little elf has a whole back story (load of wank) you tell your child.  Santa has sent him to spy on the family and returns to the North Pole every night to give a daily report on who has been naughty or nice. And then returns to your home the next morning to spy some more. Basically, if that elf turns up in your house, your ass better behave or no gifts for you!

Last year the "Elf on the Shelf" made his way into my sister's home. Instantly my two nephews, 4 and 5 at the time, totally bought into him...

The first couple of days the boys were little angles, which is a FAR cry from the norm! They were tip-toeing around that elf like Santa was really going to find out everything they did. Then the novelty wore off...  By the 49th hour the little heathens were back to trying to kill each other and everything breakable in the house. My sister had to repeatedly remind them that the elf was going to tell Santa about their bad behavior. Once she would remind them the elf was watching, they would take it down a few notches.  The Elf was really working!

My sister would move the elf periodically so the boys thought he was alive, and really keeping his eye on them.  In fact every morning the boys wake up to find the elf peering over their window valance.  Then throughout the day the elf moved. The boys had the best time looking for him. Christmas morning when they found all of their gifts under the tree, the youngest informed my sister that thanks to his good behavior and the elf's reports, Santa brought him the best stuff.

This past weekend while helping my sister put out her Christmas stuff we came across the elf. We were both so excited to see the what the boys reaction would be when they found the elf on the shelf...

I called the boys down to the basement, while my sister snuck the elf upstairs.  Once she had him in place, she yelled out like she was surprised and called for the boys.  When they saw the elf they squealed in excitement, even the 6 year old was all for it.  They were so so so excited to see the elf.  They started asking him how he was, and wondering when he got there.  The 5 year old ran and got him a candy cane.  It was so cute.

I know what you are thinking...
That's not THE Elf on the Shelf.
No, it's Christopher Pop-In-Kins.
My sister said, "he is special to our family so I used him."
So use any elf you want, it works.

Christopher Pop-In-Kins up close.

Low and behold, for the next few hours they were on their best behavior and constantly checking on the elf.  When they were not looking I moved the elf and set him up so it looked like he was eating the candy cane.  When the boys found him and saw that he was eating the candy cane they were beside themselves with joy.  It really was super awesome to witness.

This is where I moved him
and gave him the candy cane.

Needless to say, we will have an elf too.  I am going to buy one, make him a tradition and then just wait until Ollie notices him.  That day I will feed him the load of wank, and pray the Elf works as well on him as it does on my heathen nephews. I may even make up a scary story about how if Ollie doesn't behave the elf will not only call off Christmas, but birthdays too.  Yep, I am going to be that mom!

Tis the damn season...

Two confused parents=One amused baby Hopelessly we are trying raise a baby who is clearly smarter than both of us. April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit