I often sit down to write a blog post and get frustrated because I am afraid to say what I am thinking. Sometimes I am so annoyed with something in my day of being a mother I just want to rant all about it, but I chicken out. What's happened to the good old tiredofbeingpregnant.com days when I would say what I really felt, drop bad words like it was my calling, and not give a crap what anyone thought about it?
I miss voicing my opinions about the shitty side of life, being a new mom, and wanting to scream at my husbands face. I don't do it anymore for two reasons...
1. I don't want some crazy ass to take me full on serious, and call Child Protective Services for complaining about being tired of having my son try to chew my nipple off, or so annoyed that I had to wake up 4 times last night to flip Oliver over because he rolled over in his crib to his tummy and it freaked him out. I love my son more than anything! I don't even want to imagine my life with out him. Nor do I want to tempt anyone into testing that.
2. I do not want anyone to think I am not so incredibly over the top thankful for my beautiful son. He is a true miracle and blessing and the absolute reason I live and breathe now. I love that sweet little boy more than words will ever come close to explaining. I don’t feel like I should, or have the right to complain.
But I ask my faithful readers, what's the point in writing a blog if I don't say what I truly think and feel? I'm literally asking YOU my "faithful" readers because most of you followed from me
tiredofbeingpregnant.com where I dropped potty words and ranted all day long. Remember… I would start out most posts with something like "Dammit! Pregnancy is a bitch and a half!"
I don't cuss for the fun of it, although it is fun sometimes, and no doubt the "f" word makes me laugh almost as much as "beaver" does, I cuss because sometimes that's the only way to express my emotions. Seriously, try to vent your anger and frustration using this phrase. "Oh darn it, that fudging blender died in the aspirin, so I had to purée his dinner by hand." I mean how dumb does that sound? In fact I'm more pissed off trying to find stupid words to express my anger, then just not saying how I feel.
I used to get comments all the time about how thankful someone was for my honesty, for saying what they didn't have the courage to say. Now I'm the sissy! I'm afraid to come out and say what I think. Boo!
Or, now that I am a mother, do I not have the right to bitch about it? Am I wrong? Did I miss that rule in the invisible Good Mother's Handbook I never received?
Please don’t think I am ungrateful, or am not aware how it could be worse, or how I am over the top blessed. But, for Fudge sake, can’t I get pissed every once in a while without getting a comment about how ungrateful I am?
I am a great loving nurturing mother. I am also, at times, a very frustrated, annoyed, confused and clueless mother and I want to vent about it! I miss expressing myself. So I'm going to try to just be myself again, and let the words I'm thinking and feeling just come out... Like I am doing now.
Of course I will continue to post 90% about parenting, tips, tricks and learning curves, but 10% of the time I’m going to tell it like it is dammit!
Sincerely,
April
