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| GIF: From the movie, The Tooth Fairy |
Up until a few days ago, my stout fifty-five pound, four-foot tall, six-year-old had a mouth full of baby teeth. Life was good. Rolling along business as usual. Then, after dinner, while having strawberry shortcake dessert, he started screaming bloody murder. Naturally, I shit my pants from the bloodcurdling scream and ran to his side. There, in his little hand was a tiny little tooth.
To say we were both shocked would be an understatement. Why? Because the tooth wasn't loose! Well, he never complained about it being loose. But, there it was, now in my hand. I was also surprised by how little blood there was. He shoved a napkin in the new gap in his mouth and sopped up maybe a drop or two worth of blood.
Once I figured out he'd lost his tooth, I got down on my knees to meet his eye level and explained that he'd finally lost a tooth like the rest of his friends. He was a big boy now! I smothered him with hugs and kisses, and within a few minutes, he was skipping around, tooth in hand, happy as a toothless clam.
As much as I was excited for him, I was in disbelief. I thought there was a warning period! I thought the tooth would be loose for at least a week or two like the rest of my friend's children. But, nope. The little tooth fell out on its own and caught us both off guard. I tell you, this parenting shit... never a dull moment!
I woke up at 6am. At 6:01 I sat up and yelled in the head, "OH FUCK THE TOOTH FAIRY!" I nudged the hubs, hopeful he saved my ass. Not a chance.
I rush around the house looking for a five for his first tooth. The hubs had a dirty one dollar bill and a twenty. I also had a twenty.
Guess who got twenty bucks from the friggin tooth fairy... this guy.
PHOTO: He was telling me how he woke up to birds chirping, and reached under his pillow, but didn't find anything. Then, a second later, he lifted up the pillow and found the twenty dollar bill. (It must have shuffled to the back of his pillow in the twenty minutes it was there.) #Score
FACT: Your child will lose twenty teeth between the ages of five and thirteen.
As you see from my experience, there is not always a warning period. The damn tooth will fall out when it's ready. Take a moment NOW to pretend your child just lost a tooth, and how you plan to deal with it. More to the point, how you want the Tooth Fairy to deal with it, because it's you. Go get twenty ones out of the bank and tuck them in an envelope. Pinterest parents, if you plan a grand scale Tooth Fairy parade of goodies and crafty castles to hold the teeth and goodies, you better get on it.
My dear parents, in conclusion, what every parent should know about the Tooth Fairy... it's you and your day is coming, so learn from my mistake and PLAN FOR IT!
