What Happens When I Spend Two Days Away From My ChildI'm not sure if it was me going away this past weekend, or what, but I am clinging to my child like a magnet on a refrigerator. Everyone said it would be him behaving like that after a weekend away, but it's not him, it's me! I just want to hold him and smother him with hugs and kisses. I keep finding myself staring and smiling at my son. My beautiful, kind, articulate, amazing little son. "Little" being the operative word. I see him now in all of his 2-year-old three-foot glory, and know it will not last long. For some reason, now more than ever, I want to hold tight to each moment and memorize every little finger, toe and eyelash.
While going through some old photos the other day, I began to panic when I realized that I was already forgetting moments from Ollie's baby days. I couldn't remember when photos were taken, and sometimes even how old Ollie was in the photos. It scared me. I don't want to forget my baby. I don't want to forget his giggle, fat rolls or even those crazy sounds he made those first few months. I don't want to forget his first words, steps or even tears. I don't want to forget anything.
Some of the very best moments I will not have photos to help my memory. Like today, I was laying on the couch when Ollie came over and out of nowhere leaned in for a hug and kiss. It was such a beautiful moment. And then as fast as he came, he ran away. I watched his sweet little feet bounce away and his cute little butt follow. It's moments like that I want to cry I am so overwhelmed with emotion. It's moments like that I am reminded of the true beauty of motherhood, and just how incredibly blessed I am to have a child.
If Ollie really is going to be my one and only child, I want to remember everything. I want to slow down time and enjoy every moment of his life, even the ones that make me want to hide in the closet with wine and chocolate. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a race to raise him. I look forward to milestones and forget to fully appreciate the ones he has already met. I hate to admit it, but somedays I am so jealous of the moms who's kids are in school all day. I have to stop. I have to appreciate the blessing that is being able to be a work-from-home mother.