Here is a little hump day humor for you...
All last week I was out of it with a RAGING ear infection. It all started with what I thought was a small infection from an earring. Then two days later my entire ear was swollen. OH. MAH. GAWD. It was SO painful. I went to work on it with a topical antibiotic, but when I woke up the next morning to the left side of my face being swollen... yeah, I went to the doctor. Long story longer, still, the infection spread... I was having an allergic reaction to BOTH the soap and antibiotic ointment I used prior to seeing the doctor. SUCKED. So, this whole debacle rendered me down and out throwing a massive pity party. ( No worries, I am almost all better now!)
FTD, being the ever ready to help husband that he is, offered to do the grocery shopping for the week while I stayed home with my feet up. (Read: FTD LOVES the grocery store and was SO SO SO SO excited about going.) I gave him a list with a few items that we needed, but being that he was also offering to do all of the cooking until I felt better, I left the meals open to him. Clearly, I was in a bad way to go to not realize what a huge mistake I was making letting him have free reign of both the grocery store and our meals... (For those of you just now joining us, FTD is an Australian overgrown child who thinks American Grocery stores, and their "insane selection of food", are more awesome than Disney World.)
You all... TWO hours later he returns with... with... well... I don't even know how to explain it... FTD really out did himself. Lucky for you, once I finished wiping the tears away from my eyes, from both hysterical laughter and a little fear mixed in, I grabbed the camera.
Allow me to present FTD's Grocery Shopping Extravaganza...
That my friends... Is the face of a very proud man. |
What's that he is holding up you ask? Well, I am actually not that sure.
They call them, Chicken Nibblers?
Chicken Whaaaa? He was so excited about these. All night long it was Chicken Nibbler this and Chicken Nibbler that. Seriously. |
He gives me a huge excited smile, picks up this can, a pack of Hot dogs and some Buttermilk Bread and says, CHILI DOGS!!!
OH. MY GOD... This is really happening....
Shit.
I didn't even know where to start with that statement, so I looked desperately for something else to feed us. I dug out this Pizza and thought, OK I can work with this...
That's when FTD says, SURPRISE! The Pizza is for a Friday Night date night. He then shows me the Beer and "Imitation Crab Meat Cheese Ball" he has picked up for our "Hor d'oeuvres."
Shit.
Oh! The Manager's Special Even! |
I wanted to drink them all. Out of a beer bong. Immediately. |
Next he pulls out this cheese, stating it is the most awesome cheese ever, becuse it is a blend of cheese and "Pasteurized process cheese food with Jalapeño Peppers". I am then treated to a horrible rendition of some strange Mexican Song he is making up as he goes along...
My friends, you CANNOT make this shit up!
Here is an enlarged close up of his complete bounty. You will not believe all of the crap he got....
OH! He got all of that crap for a grand total of $36! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???
Disclaimer: I love that man. LOVE LOVE LOVE! I give him the business all the time for being so cheeky and silly, but that is the best part about him. Once I finished laughing at him and making fun of his ridiculous bounty of food, I showered him with love and kisses and thank yous for going to the store and providing for his family. I promise, I know I give him shit all of the time, but that FTD... He is good stuff.