1/19/17

You Want My Son To Pee In THAT? Great.

I once had a big blogger ask me the name of my blog, and when I told her First Time Mom & Dad, she screwed up her face unapprovingly of my non-catchy blog name, and asked, "Are you still a first-time parent?"

Me: Yes. And I always will be! My son is an unpredictable tornado with sticky fingers, every day is a new day, with new trials and triumphs. 

Blogger: **laughs in a way that lets me know, she's totally unimpressed. 

Me: (in my head) Stuck up bitch. 

As a parent, I really don't know what to expect from day-to-day. I experience firsts every day. I imagine if I had another child, especially a girl, I would feel like a first-time parent all over again.  This was never more true than at my son's 5-year-old well-baby check up


The little guy's appointment was going swimmingly. He weighed in at a sturdy 49 pounds and 3'9" tall. He read a few pages of a book the doc gave him and even allowed the doc to poke and examine him without protest. 

As we wrapped up, the doc told us the nurse would be in to administer a few tests before we leave. I braced myself for vaccinations and tears. Little did I know, that was the least of my worries. The nurse was about to throw a serious first at me; She wanted my 4-year-old to pee in a cup. 

No, a thimble. 



As the nurse handed over the cup, I know I must've looked at her like she was crazy, because she laughed and told me not to worry, "I only need a few drops," so not to worry about filling the cup.

All I could think was, there's no freaking way my son's going to pee in that thimble! He can barely make it in the bowl, and it's fifty times the size of that cup. 

Oh, and there's the little part about trying to make my 4-year old pee. Especially, if he knows I want him too.

As we walked down the hall to the potty, I'm not sure who was more apprehensive. It was in that moment that I knew, I had to mom-up. Get brave and act like peeing in a cup is awesome. 

Long story short, it wasn't pretty, but, as with all our mom-son firsts, we figured it out. 

Things I learned:

1. Act cool 
2. Wear gloves
3. Have your child assume their normal pee position first. 
4. Have the cup ready. 
5. Once your child is in position, and you and the cup are ready, have your child pee as normal 
6. Stick the cup IN the stream. DO NOT have your child start by peeing in the cup. You WILL get hosed. 
7. Wash hands, and high-five each other. 

I have to say it was kind of ironic that my son's five-year well-check reminded me how much of a first-time parent I am, and always will be. And how I wouldn't trade it for all the parenting knowledge in the world. So I got a little pee on me, it's these little trials that make my clueless journey through motherhood so fun and rewarding. 

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

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