I know you should never say never. Especially, when it comes to anything related to parenting, however, the following Seven Types of Mom I sincerely hope I never become.
The Soccer Socialite- One place you will never catch my ass is hovering over my child in sports. I want him to love and excel at sports, in his own way on his own time. While I'll encourage and support him, I will never push him. It's his life. Not mine. I also have no desire to get in a snack rotation pissing contest. I've heard horror stories of soccer mom riots over a shitty snack.
The Tech Tyrant- Technology is the future. No freaking way am I going to restrict my child from it. Yes, I know the "child experts" attribute a slew of mental and developmental issues to tech-time. Yes, I know they warn that video games can turn children into psychopaths, but...well... NEWS FLASH: elementary school can do that too.
There are some brilliant educational apps available, and I love them. I attribute a part of my son's early vocabulary burst, hand-eye coordination, and problem-solving skills and flawless dance moves to educational apps and YouTube Kids videos. (I don't care, tell me to burn in hell, I'm not sorry!) TECH RULES!
The Blind Blamer: There is nothing I can't stand more than the mom who blames everyone else's child for their child's behavior. WAKE UP! Your child is not perfect. Kids act crazy. ALL KIDS! So, before you go blindly blaming a playdate for your child's moody behavior or for biting, "when she's never done that before", shut up and see your child for what she is, normal! Not, perfect. No kid is.
The Holistic Hippie- While I admit I sometimes sway this way, I will never hug the tree completely for one simple reason, FOOD IS GOOD! I am all for dodging hormones, GMOs, processed foods and refined sugar, but I'm not going to go all nutty about it. A life without McDonald's fries, Chick'fil-A chicken, Taco Bell Crunch wraps and Movie Theater popcorn just ain't livin'! (Sorry food allergy people. I'm lactose intolerant, so I know how it sucks to miss out on this stuff.) But for the parents out there forcing their child to eat black bean cupcakes when all the other kids get to eat Walmart cupcakes is, well, shitty. No it's not organic and sugar-free, but seriously, get over yourself, one bloody cupcake is not going to make your child grow a third ball. Let the little guy eat cake once in a while!
Society's Sweetheart- This is one type of mom I refuse to be. I can't be her. I tried to mother according to society's rules and ideas, but the onslaught of pediatric opinions, medical journals, parenting books, forums and the latest "expert advice" were impossible to keep up with. Not to mention, rarely worked for my newborn. Thankfully, I stopped trying to be Society's Sweetheart Mom and followed my own Mother's Instinct. What a difference that made. Suck it society! It turns out, I know WAY more about my child than you.
The Crazed Competitor- I am fiercely competitive in sport and challenges, however, when it comes to mom-pissing-contests, I'm out. I have no desire to be the room mom, drive the best SUV, have the bounciest ass, or brag about providing the most organic locally sourced snack. If your kid beats mine in a race, cool, it happens. As far as I know, The Mom of the Year is not a real contest. Not that I would want to win. Competing with another mother is stupid.
So what type of mom am I?
The MomMe I try to be the best mother I can by being, Me. I love my son with all of my heart, spoil him rotten, but also am firm when needed. I encourage him to grow and challenge himself daily. Instilling a strong faith in God, kindness, love, understanding, openness and humility is my mom-mission. I'm not perfect. I screw up daily. I slip and cuss in front of my son, let him play Lego Star Wars on PS4, have really crappy days and totally understand when he does too. I'm laid back and that's my parenting style. Neither of us is in a race or competition at this life thing, so enjoying each moment is my daily mantra. Being a mother is the greatest gift of my life. Letting mommy-wars, society, insecurities and pissing contest stop me from being my best MomME is pure dumbassery.
TIP: Be your own kind of MomMe and be proud of it!