His table? What table?
Food? Seriously. Food.
When daddy is home, I might as well be a cold meatloaf. Until the kid needs his ass wiped, of course.
Need I remind you of the Stormtrooper Turkey carving incident?
Or how about our Christmas card last year?
I'm honestly just jealous. Daddy is awesome. He has no shame and big grand naughty ideas that always end in laughter.