A.k.a. A toddler.
I was right.
The conversation that followed was almost exactly like one I had with a fellow mom when my toddler turned into a terror. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a classic Toddler talk most all parents have, or should have. With my friend's permission, (Thank you, Kristy!) I'm publishing our conversation, because I truly think it will help a few of you parents out there knee-deep in the toddler power struggle.
Kristy: My Toddler has turned into a jerk kid! He won't share, he's rude (sticks his tongue out), sometimes he even hits other kids. We've tried consequences, (leaving the park, not getting stories at bedtime..) time outs (what a fu*king joke!).
Nothing works. I even got a responsibility chart. He's just a little shit. I constantly have to stay on him about "be nice, share, don't push, not everything belongs to you, if you're upset come tell me" I don't know what else to do. I don't even like taking him anywhere that I know other humans will be. He even gets all pissy if someone else tries to pet the dang dog ("that's my dog, not yours") what do I do?!?!
Me: I'm so sorry. All you can do is stay on him and ride out the storm. Toddlers are terrors. All of them act this way, to some degree. At this age, you can either stay on him and have a good kid come out of it, or let him be a douche bag and stay a douche bag.
I felt like the biggest asshole mom the last eight months having to CINSTANTLY stay on Ollie, but thankfully, I can finally see it paying off. Ollie is turning into a really good boy! It sucks ass, especially during the really trying times, but staying consistent has been key, for me.
K: Thanks love. At least I'm not alone. I feel alone, but at least other kids do it too. I'll keep at it. What kinds of things did you do? I just feel like I'm doing it wrong?
Me: Nope, if you're staying on him, then you're doing it right. Consistency is key. No means, NO! As for what I do, timeouts get a little iffy around here too, so when they don't work, we put something he absolutely loves in timeout. (On top of the refrigerator where he can't reach it.) Or, he doesn't get tech time that day, or the next if he's already had it.
We also do a ridiculous amount of "talking." I try to get to the bottom of his issue, or why he's acting out. I try to help him understand that his behavior is not the way too get what he wants. In fact, it's the exact opposite. Still, he's a toddler, so it's a process of all of the above to correct the dumbassery.
K: Ok that makes me feel better. I just don't want a jerk kid.
Me: I don't want a jerk kid either. I'd much rather be an asshole mom, then have and asshole kid!
It's true. As much as I hate staying on my toddler, and constantly correcting his naughty behavior, I'd much rather be an asshole mom than have an asshole child. I really have no clue what I'm doing, and there may be better ways to train a toddler, but something is working, because little-by-little, the kid is getting better.
The other day when I said, STOP!, and he did, I thought I was going to have to change my pants. Or when he says, Please and Thank You, or waits patiently in line for the slide, I see my hard work, at work.
Parenting a toddler can really suck, sometimes. But what sucks more is having a spoiled brat that thinks he can get away with murder. If you too are knee-deep in the toddler power struggle, stay strong, you are not alone. Most of all, be consistent, it's so worth it in the end.
