4/24/15

What It Really Means To Have A Toddler...

Today, I thought I would enlighten those of you who do not have a toddler yet, to what it means to have a toddler...




Having a toddler means...

...Sticky fingers on every surface of the house, including all doorknobs and windows.

....Having pee pants laying in the middle of the hallway with a streaking toddler runny far and fast away from them.

...Stepping on at least one toy a day... or four.

...Hearing mommy four million and one times a day. Usually grouped in lots of 50.

...The backseat of your car has more unknown things growing in it than a University laboratory.

...Finding two socks that match is impossible, since the last time they were worn, one was removed in the backyard, the other in the kitchen. 

...Getting out of your house on-time with the toddler and everything you need is harder than winning the lottery, and takes about as much luck.

...You know the words to your toddler's favorite books by heart, which is a good thing since a couple of the pages are destroyed. 

...You know why your mother didn't let you have sugar or caffeinated beverages until you were away at college. 

...You are TERRIFIED of silence.

...You can set-up a train track or tea party like a BOSS.

...Not one crayon in your house has the tip or label on it.

...Your mind is blown daily by the audacity of a three foot human. (I've considered buying a wheel barrel for my toddler's balls.)

...You do more laundry and dishes in a week than you did in six months pre-child. 

...You've been roundhouse kicked out of your own bed by a "sleeping" toddler.

...NOTHING grosses you out anymore. Nothing.

...You know every character on every Sprout TV show, and have spent hours pondering if Nina really does the sand art on the Goodnight show.

...You've learned the hard way not to cut a toddler's food without explicit instructions first. 

...Everyday you have to face the fact that you gave birth to a little evil genius that always manages to stay a step ahead of you, both literally and figuratively.  


Do you have a toddler? What does it mean to you?

April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com