1/31/14

My Marital Bliss- Man Parts And How They Work

Oh That FTD!  Sometimes he makes me so mad that I don't know if I want to shave my legs with his razor, or hide all of his favorite things in the one place he has NEVER looked, in the back of the refrigerator. Most days I just try to have patience with him since I understand where he came from... Ah Marital Bliss....


What has me going today is, sometimes my wonderful husband doesn't seem to hear everything that is told to him. Yesterday, FTD came home with a strange story about a coworker, who also doubles as a good friend of mine. When the story took a few wild turns I thought something, or really everything, important was missing from his story, so I called her. Sure enough, he had only listened to/processed about 20% of the words that came out of her mouth, and then filled in the blanks with his own story. Basically, FTD was bored with the story so he created one that was way better to him. 

Once she was finished telling me the story, we both had quite a laugh over how far off FTD was. We began to trade stories about our husbands, and realized that they were very similar creatures with very similar parts, MAN PARTS. Man Parts are the parts of the male body that look similar to the woman's, but operate vastly different.

Allow me to explain...

(FTD if you are reading this, consider this post me having you figured out, and possibly a little retaliation for your, 'My Marital Bliss', post.)

MAN PARTS

Man Ears- Mainly for decoration, but periodically allow sound to make it's way in. However, when the sound makes it's way in, it is normally broken up. Meaning, only bits and pieces make it through, leaving the Man Brain to fill in the blanks, which nine times out of ten is very dangerous.

Example:
I say: Honey, we are having dinner with the neighbors on Saturday.

FTD Hears: Buy beer on the way home from work on Friday.  Lots of it.  

Man Eyes- Equipped with incredible filters that only allow "Important" things to be seen.

For Example:

ME: FTD, this house is a mess, please help me pick up Ollie's toys.

FTD: What Toys? The house looks fine?


Somehow all he sees is the floor underneath the toys.
Amazing, really. 


Man Nose: 100% for decoration.

Example:

Me: WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT SMELL????


FTD: What Smell?

Man Mouth: Works on a 90/10 principle-- 90% of the time food should be going in; the other 10% should be words coming out.

Man Feet: Purely to get him from point A to B. They can look as rough and lizard like as possible, all that matters is that they work. Also, man feet are good for providing hours of fun in the form of loudly and annoyingly picking at.

Last... And most certainly least....

Man Brain: Like Man Eyes and Ears, it is equipped with incredible filters that process information, and then react to that information in such a way that modern science is still completely baffled by. Things are clearly going in, but... but...  There really is no understanding or explanation to fully grasp the phenomenon going on here. So far this is science's best guess...



Ladies, did I miss something? Men, can you provide evidence that any of the observations are incorrect?



April is an award-winning writer and blogger. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

5 comments:

Join The Discussion!