Weaning and Weeping. Did this happen to you?

Be careful what you wish for...

You all, I am a hot ass weeping mess. My milk is drying up.  I know. I know. For the past couple of weeks I have carried on and on about wanting to wean... blah blah blah... well it has happened. But not exactly how I wanted it to happen.  My milk is drying up from stress. We are being forced to wean, and I am a weeping hot ass mess because of it.  My hormones are going bat shit crazy and I am pretty sure the sky is falling!

Ok.  The sky is not falling.

But this is still me...


About ten days ago Stress knocked at my door, then dropped its baggage at my feet in the form of my mother in-law coming over from Australia for a three week visit, a medical issue, our car crapping out and some other stuff, but I am sure you get the picture. I'm a ball of redonkulous chaotic stress.

I just cannot believe after 20-months of nursing, I am going to be thrown out of the game by my milk drying up...from Stress! I thought I would be able to control this weaning business.  I thought it would be on my terms, or at the very least the man-child's.  How can stress throw us out of the game?  Surely, I have been this stressed before. Surely?

Regardless, I am devastated. I am sure to the outsider looking in, my milk drying up at twenty months is not that bad. I am sure it almost looks like a blessing in disguise.  But to me it looks like shit. A big steaming pile of too-bad-so-sad shit.

Most of all, I feel so bad for the little guy not getting hardly any milk. I can tell he is trying and trying but nothing is there.  I don't know what to do.  I think we are both so confused that all we can do is keep trying and hoping somehow all will go back to normal.  I had planned to finish weaning AFTER my mother in-law left, not before.  I hate that I am having to go through this in front of her. <Insert MASSIVE F-Bomb>

It also really sucks that I am struggling to get the man-child to take his naps.  It doesn't help our nap situation that his grandmother is here, and he wants to play with her 24/7.  It also sucks that when he woke up at the ass-crack of dawn thanks to daylight savings, I was unable to nurse him back to sleep.

In a way, nursing was so much more than just nutrition.  Nursing was our routine!  Nursing saved me so many times.  That luxury is gone. What's worse, the kid hates cow's milk, or really any milk for that matter.  I have tried almond and coconut... I am scrambling to figure out what to do at nap and bedtime now.

I promise I did not set out to write this post as a woe is me and my bone dry boobies.  OK, maybe a little… My intent is to let other women out there who are weaning, or drying up and turning into crazy ladies too, know you are not alone.  I am nuts too!  I am full on certifiable.  I am also hosting a pity party that started a few days ago and will be going on... for... a while.  Please feel free to join.  Please join, I need to know I am not alone too.

Did this happen to you?  Did you nurse then wean/dry-up and turn into an emotional basket case? If so, how long did it last? Also, I am kind of all over the place and having a hard time concentrating, is this normal too?  I would love to hear some stories on weaning!

April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

12 comments:

April said...

I'm there.... Sort of..... I had to stop nursing at 7/8 months because my daughter would not stop biting. NOTHING I did corrected it. I tried every trick in the book... So I just exclusively pumped and it worked great for a long time.... Now I'm not getting nearly enough to satisfy her at 10 months. I have frozen milk and plenty of it but I question if it's enough to last until December.... I soooo wanted to extended b/f but sadly it's not in the cards for us :( (I tried to get her back on the boob and she looked at me like I was crazy). I feel you.... I really really do.

April FirstTimeMom said...

Sorry, April. It really sucks to lose control of something so important to both you and your daughter. I wish had the answers. All I have are hugs and a half of box of tissues to share. I know there could be much worse things, but between the hormones and his sad eyes, I am struggling to move on. Thanks for your comment. It really means a lot to me! xx

Anonymous said...

We just finished weaning. My son is 16 months. The first day wasn't too bad, but the next two were HELL. After that it was all down hill! My advice is to hang in there and let your hubby or mother in law put him down for a couple of days, and then things will even out. My son is honestly SO much easier to put down now, and he finally started sleeping well. I also really love the fact that we can cuddle now without it always turning into nursing time. Good luck!
~Ashley~

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. It will get better. I was emotional for about 3 weeks after weaning. Plus, my period came back. Ugh... But now we get in "nursing position" but we don't nurse. Which is so NICE, we just cuddle now and I stroke her hair before bedtime. Plus, she is sleeping so much better. Yes daylight savings has completely screwed her up, but hopefully that will straighten out. Try some raspberry leaf tea to help balance your hormones.

April FirstTimeMom said...

Thank you for this Ashley! The sleeping has been horrible the past three days. He is barely taking an hour nap! He used to take great napes 2 1/2-3 hours. He is up all night now too. It's like I have a newborn all over again. Thanks for letting me know, this too shall pass. xx

April FirstTimeMom said...

Thank you! I love hearing that the sleeping will get better. When I first weaned his nap time, we cuddled and it was great! He went down easily too. It's just been since my MIL got here, Daylight Savings and my milk drying up that the the world has fallen off it's axis. Hopefully it will all go right again soon. xx

Busy Mama Bee said...

I hear you. This was me 3mths ago. I know I had a great run - My twinnies were 19mths. I wanted to breastfeed til they were two but then I got tonsilitis and the milk bank ran dry. :( I still miss it at bedtimes and when they get sick. Nursing is way more than just nutrition

Alissa said...

I wish I had some advice for you but I don't! I was looking forward to nursing Micah this time around but when colic set-in he decided he hated my boobs and would only take a bottle. So here I am pumping 5 times a day. He will nurse when he's super sleepy but it's not his favorite thing. Fortunately I am a milk making machine and I have close to 500 oz stored already. This was not what I had envisioned with my nursing relationship but that's ok. I will likely end up quitting around the 6 month mark and hopefully have enough stored to make it through another couple of months. It makes me sad though... I had a great nursing experience with James and wanted it to be like that this time since Micah is my last baby :( But it's ok I know he's still getting the nutrition even if he doesn't nurse. We just get our bonding time in the form of cuddles.

Faye @ valentines said...

I'm sorry for whats been going on so far, and I hope it will get better.

You definitely need time to pamper yourself and de-stress.

Makre sure you keep your own nutrition up too, even though I know all your attention is to your baby.

Get well soon,
Faye

Casey R said...

I have yet to experience this my babe is only 6 months and I hope to nurse for as long as she wants. I think this is something hard that more and more mommies are opening up about and it is a good thing. It's a topic that no one really talked about, and as more and more moms are nursing they are sharing their stories. Thank you for yours!

Jessika Kazaros said...

Damn! How have I missed this??? Sigh... I'm sorry... it really blows when nature intervenes on your plans and takes away your choices. You deserve to rock Ollie to sleep with a glass of ____ in your hand now at least! :) Hang in there! <3

Mrs. Loquacious said...

How are things going April? I am still nursing and still have milk (not sure how, or how much) but dread the day when I have to wean. Hopefully you're finding it liberating to not have your boobs be at your toddler's behest, but alas, I am still her milk slave. DD wants it every time she comes home from playing in the park, or when I've gone out without her (or she without me) for any length of time. Plus nap and bedtimes. Sometimes it is a bit much, but I think I'd miss it if I wasn't nursing her right now. I keep saying, 24 months and she's weaning...but we'll see ;)

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