10/31/13

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ...From The Halloween Grinch!

I just want to start by saying, I used to be cool. I used to be fun and throw caution to the wind... then I became a mother. I became an overprotective, paranoid, spineless, yet strict, mother.  A perfect example of this change is me being an asshat about Halloween.  I big mean over protective and over cautious ass!



This Halloween is my two-year-old's first Halloween to trick-or-treat and score an abundance of candy.

Candy that I won't let him eat.

Well, I won't let him eat it all. That's right, I'm THAT mom!  Never in my widest dreams did I think I would be such a stick-in-the-mud about Halloween with my toddler.  But, I am.

Funny how I finally get why my mom was the way she was about Halloween... I used to be so annoyed that I couldn't eat any candy without her inspecting it, or that I could only have 5 pieces after the inspection, and then a few more each day until it was gone.  All this time I thought my mom was just being mean... and now, I am totally going to do the same!

10/30/13

Fun Facts About Kids


Not all facts about kids are funny, but most of them are. Here, we have shortlisted seven facts, you might not know about kids. Some relate to their safety, but others are as funny as you think.


 
     1.‘Tone’ that fact: You know that your three year old boy shouts really loud. But did you know that in reality, if compared to the noise in a crowded restaurant having around 200 people at a time, his voice will still be louder. So, you are not wrong grinding about him shouting but what can be done?

2. Answer their questions: When you little one is four-year-old, he asks more than 400 questions a day. However, not many reach your ears as you are busy with something or the other. Still, you hear a number of them and answer to them too. So, how many questions did you hear today and how many of them did you answer?

3. Telly fact: How many times have you noticed this? When your child gets hurt, they keep on crying but the time their favorite cartoon or song is on television, they keep watching it and forget about their pain. This is true. For children, watching TV can act as a painkiller and forget about what has happened. However, something that is not of their interest might not be helpful. So, book some of his favorite cartoon DVDs online. For the same, look out for discount coupons on ChameleonJohn. It can help.

 4. Hand Burns: With children around, you need to keep risky items away from them always. But a noted fact says that your child when six years old, needs that additional effort from your end. This is because, at this age, the risk of having injuries to the hand is the greatest.

5.     Bony issues: Did you know that a child’s kneecaps are made of cartilage when they are born. They turn bony only at the age of three. So, be careful with their kneecaps till the age of three, at least.

6.     Turn on the microwave: You train your kids to do a number of things since they are born. One of them might be to make them understand the use of a microwave and give them instructions to use it. Age three, he might not get it. Age four, he might understand it a bit. Age five, he understands it better. Age six, he is still making some mistakes. Age seven, he uses it properly. This is because the fact notes that the average age a child starts using a microwave is seven. So, don’t get annoyed if your child is still making mistakes. He will learn with time. Be patient.

7.     Weight-height issues: It is a fact. Mothers run behind the child checking his/ her weight while father keep checking the height. The child is being monitored by parents, and it is their headache. If you are looking for the right measuring tools, buy it online. Don’t forget to check online for coupons, as there are a number of discount coupons to make the deal less costly.

10/28/13

Remember When You Found Out You Were Pregnant?




Even though my mind was the first thing to go when I got pregnant, the one thing I will never forget is the moment when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, I remember the day, the weather, the people we hung out with... throwing the positive test into the bathtub... FTD screaming like a girl... Yeah, that was quite a day.

Picture it, Memorial Day weekend 2011...

It was a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. FTD and I were on our way to a friend's BBQ, but had to stop at the store to pick up a few items first, including beer. Normally the thought of beers at a BBQ on a Sunday afternoon would bring a happy little tear to my eye, but on this particular day, it made me want to throw up. I looked over at FTD in the beer aisle and said, "I am going to go get a pregnancy test." Luckily, FTD was not holding any beer at the time, because the look on his face told me he would have dropped it.

10/25/13

Throw Back Friday-The STROLLER CHRONICLES (FTD POST!)

Ok, my dear friends and readers, my mother in-law will be here tomorrow.  Yes, I have so much to do, not enough time to do it in, and a man-child and child-man to work around.
A hairstyle only a son could love.


So, I thought would dig up an old post to share with you. Being that it is Friday, I went for something funny.  I went for something FTD wrote!


The STROLLER CHRONICLES-By First Time Dad

10/23/13

It's Time to Start Weaning. (Update!)

Ok you all.  I have an update on the weaning status.  For those of you just joining us... two weeks ago I wrote asking for help and ideas, to get this kid off my tatas! Yes, the man-child is still on the teats at 20-months old. (Not that that is too long, or a bad thing, it's just what it is, the boy is still nursing.) As of two weeks ago, he nursed at naptime and bedtime only. Besides the fact that I want my boobs and body back, I started thinking his nursing was more for comfort than anything.  For that reason, I decided it was time to get serious about weaning.

It all really started a little over six weeks ago when the little guy decided he was no longer interested in nursing when he woke up in the morning. Apparently, it was more important to terrorize daddy before he left for work.  Seriously, he stopped nursing in the mornings right around the time FTD went back to work full-time. Whatever the reason, we were officially down to two feedings a day.

10/22/13

5 VERY important things to consider when choosing a Halloween costume for the little ones.


With all of the blog posts going around about Halloween food and costumes , the one thing I have not seen is safety tips.  Halloween can be a chaotic time. From the big kids running from house to house saying "Trick or Treat" while doing the potty dance, because all they are really thinking is, hurry up lady, I have a lot of houses to cover, and four pillow cases to fill!, to the little-ones toddling in between it all. So, I thought I would do a little research to find some important tips to share with the first-timers out there hoping their little one will hold out long enough to get a few good treats from them to eat!  (Which would be FTD and I.)

Only one week left of the 30/30 Challenge...Have you lost as much as me?


I realized fairly quickly this is called the 30/30 CHALLENGE for good reason; It is certainly a challenge to get out and walk everyday. That first week was not easy at all.  The second week was easier, yet I still struggled a day or two to get off my lazy bottom. Now that I am rounding out the third week, I know I will surely make it, but will most likely not hold myself to the difficult challenge of walking daily once it is over. 


That being said... I am beyond thankful for this challenge, and what it has done for my mind, body and soul in three short weeks...
Week 3 photo recap.  
We took photos of things we enjoyed on our walks. 
My selfie is so there will be at least one photo of me taken during the 30 days!

10/21/13

Parents Bullying Parents. NOT OK!

This past weekend I had the extreme pleasure of watching my Toddler Code Of Conduct article go 'viral' on the Huffington Post, and in doing so, made the FRONT PAGE! In fact, the post is still going viral as I type. Currently, it has over twenty-one thousand likes (growing by 5-10 a minute) and nearly ten thousand social media and email shares! You all, on the heels of my What You Do Today, Can Improve All of Your Tomorrows post, this was A. MAZ. ING. See... Dreams DO come true!

I'll admit, while watching the article hit milestones of 15k and 20k likes, I cried tears of joy and awe. Unfortunately, with the excitement also came a few low blows in the form of nasty judgmental comments. I know. I know... when I write something and publish it to the world, I am opening myself up for judgment. Still, when it comes to parents judging and bullying parents, that is never ever OK! 

NEVER. EVER.


10/19/13

Thinking of Having a Baby? Read This First!

I do not think there is a first-time parent that can say they were truly prepared for what life is like once baby arrives.  Or should I say... once baby comes home, turns their life upside down, then right side up, and then just for good measure, does it one more time. 


Here Comes Crazy!

10/18/13

What You Do Today, Can Improve All of Your Tomorrows.

It is time to Lean into my legacy... what ever that may be.


The only thing I want more than a happy fulfilled life, is for my child to be proud of me. I want my son to gush about me to his peers. I also want him to live a life filled with chasing his dreams. I want to teach my son that following his dreams is such an important part of life. Of course, this would mean that I would have to lead by example. Which would require a large amount of dream chasing courage.


10/16/13

How Plugged in is Your Parenting Style?

(I originally Published this Article, Plugged-In Parenting: 5 Ways Technology Has Changed The Way We Parenton the Huffington Post. This post is more on the cheeky side than anything. )


Being that we live in an age of constantly emerging technology, it only makes sense that it would spill over into parenting.  Below are five ways technology has changed the way parents, parent.


10/14/13

20 Jaw Dropping Halloween Costumes for the Whole Family.

VOTE FOR ME!


When I set out to do my annual Halloween costume idea post, I came across some of the most jaw dropping are-you-kidding-me-right-now costumes.  After wiping the tears of laughter away from my eyes, I decided the 'Best of Costumes' post could wait.  The "Worst Of" was going to be WAY more fun to create.

But before we go any further... My friends, this post needs a WARNING:  A few of these costumes are just plain Epic Fail OH-Hell-No-What-is-happening-to-this-world-I-think-I-just-went-blind-with-disgust costumes.  All I have to say is, PLEASE DO NOT try most of these at home...

Without further ado... It's about to get UGLY...
Yeah, even the family pet is not safe from this post...

10/11/13

It's Time To Wean. (For Real This Time)

The time has come...

WEAN. WEAN. WEAN. WEAN.  Please wean! <------ Lately, I have been saying that to myself and Ollie everyday.

I know I have said that I need to wean before, but now it is seriously time.  The man child is TWENTY months old. Plus, thanks to FTD referring to my boobies as 'biddy' when it comes to nursing, Ollie does too.  My friends, 'biddy' sounds WAY to close to 'titty' when coming out of a toddler's mouth. Yes, he has asked for what sounds more like 'tiddy' in public! Enough. Is. Enough.  I need to to wean, and I need your help, God's Help, a professional's help, luck, and most of all a freaking back bone to say, 'NO MORE TIDDY!'


10/10/13

I Suck at Being a Stay At Home Mom. Suck.

I am a "worker." I work, that's what I do.  I have more anxiety and nervous energy than anyone person should have. The only way I have ever known to deal with it, is to work. My long time readers know, I didn't really get this blog going until I was laid off from work. I poured all of my nervous energy and jobless anxiety in to this blog. Turning to this blog for release is probably what keeps me sane in the madness that is my life as a stay at home mom (SAHM).

10/7/13

The Playdate. Awesomeness. WHO KNEW?

Oh my goodness, playdates are awesome!  I thought they sucked.  I thought playdates meant double the trouble, not double the fun!  Who wants two crazy toddlers running around? Not this girl.  Well… I was wrong. W.R.O.N.G!  Playdates are mommy-is-off-the-hook awesomeness.  Ho. Lee. Crap! Who knew? The things are like having a babysitter, for free!

10/6/13

Sunday Book Review: Humpfree The Humpless Camel By Julia Dweck

It is with so much pleasure that I get to review today's book, Humpfree The Humpless Camel, by Julia Dweck. Some of you may remember Julia's name from my review of one of her first eBooks, "Where Are The Dinos?". Just like I gushed all over that book, prepare to listen to me gush all over this one.  Oh, this book is so gooooooood.....

10/4/13

The Dude Has a 'Tude.

It's official, I think a diva alien has taken possession of my sweet little toddler, because that man-child ain't so sweet anymore! Some how the little dude has worked up a super 'tude.  I mean a super-duper show stopping attitude that demands attention. Lately, he has been acting like he is large and in charge, yelling, pushing, throwing Hot Wheels and stomping off, and OH. MAH. GAWD. It is SO funny! I cannot help it, being the good mommy that I am, sometimes when he freaks out about the most ridiculous thing I laugh at him. Another favorite of mine is when he lays on the floor and starts losing it over absolutely nothing,  I look down, shake my head and say, "Are you kidding me right now?" and then walk off... laughing.  To which he gets even more pissed off. Hell yes I plan on getting, 'Mom of The Year 2013!

10/3/13

As many times as I say, I am the parent I am in control, I’m not. Not. Even. Close.

I am beginning to realize that being the mother of a crazy ass toddler with the ego and energy of the future Dos Equis beer guy, is WAY more than I ever bargained for. This kid has reached a phase of toddlerhood that people failed to warn me about, The “Piss off mommy, I can do what I want, have what I want, and behave how I want,” phase. In fact, I’m pretty sure it is going to kill me, or at the very least, deem me certifiable when it’s over.


10/2/13

Halloween Humor: Mostly Funny. Slightly Disturbing.

With all of the spooktastic Hallowen stuff going around, I thought I would lighten the mood with some Halloween Humor... 

JOKES: Mostly Funny. Slightly Disturbing.


Q. Why couldn’t the mummy attend the meeting?
A. He was all tied up
Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
 A. For the Boos
Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
 A. Because he is always a goblin
Q. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
 A. Because he had no body to take
Q. Why wouldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
 A. Because he didn’t have any guts
Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
 A. Mas-scare-a
Q. What do ghosts put on their morning cereal? A. Booberries.
Q.  What is the problem with two twin witches? A. You never know which witch is which!

PETS: Mostly Funny. Slightly Disturbing.








ASSES: Mostly Funny. Slightly Disturbing.




I see it!
Am I going to hell now?  

HALLOWEEN CARDS: Mostly Funny. Slightly Disturbing.





And finally... 100% Disturbing...





HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Epic Fail: This is what happens when daddy takes over the shopping....

My friends, today FTD is going to wow and amaze you.  Probably make you laugh a little a lot too. Believe it or not, he has really outdone himself this time... To say he was proud if himself for what he did... Well, that would be a gross understatement.  He did a "Damn-Right-I-Bought-That Dance every time I held up something while shaking my head.



Here is a little hump day humor for you...

10/1/13

Top 10 Tuesday: 10 Reasons Why You Should Get to Steppin'

Alright my friends, the day has arrived... The 30/30 challenge begins today!  WHOOO HOO!!  I can already feel my ass burning... off the cupcake I had last night!  You know, the one last guilty pleasure before I change my life...

In honor of this wonderful life changing day, I am going to give you ten reasons why you should move your ass! That's right, I said it.  However, for those of you who have no desire to move your ass with me, that's fine (Read: Whateves. You will be jealous in 30 days.) I promise I am not turning this blog into a self righteous weight loss blah... blah... blah... journey.  

Sorry, I digress... Today is about a fantastic journey for those of us who are taking that first step!

This was our first step!

So, without further ado... 10 Reasons Why You Should Get to Steppin'! 

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