Epic MOMstrous Fail #44... The Hair Cut.

As you know, the epic fail posts are by far the best source on this site for learning what not to do as a parent. Well, today, I am definitely not going to disappoint.  This fail might be my most epic of all...  

Ollie has only had one haircut in his life. It was right after his first birthday. FTD gave it to him. I cried.  (You can read all about it here.)

Here we are now, six months later, with his hair growing over his ears, and boarding on girly, so I decided it was time for a hair cut.  In an effort to save me a few bucks, and Ollie a few tears, I decided to give him a Momtastic hair cut!  

No, I do not have any business doing such a thing, but I thought, Whatever! how hard can it be to trim the boy's hair? My friends, it was hard, very hard.  I screwed it up. Really. Bad.

The only way to tell this story is with photos...





So, after his lunch I cut a pile of popsicles in half, laid them out in front of him in his high chair and went to work on my momtastic cut...

                                                Things got out of control pretty quickly...




So naturally, I kept on cutting...


And cutting... until it was really short, with only a couple of bald spots...



    At this point I asked myself, should I just stop cutting and go seek out professional help?

Nah...

Luckily, Ollie's only concern was if more popsicles were in his future.

I threw the man-child another popsicle, and began Operation: Don't Screw Up the Other Side Too...

      
While I felt like I had got the hang of the ol' hair cutting technique on this side... or not.  It was time to move on to Plan B...


Having Ollie rock out an awesome hat until the bald spots grew in!

Ollie declared this a FINE idea!

 Alright. Alright. I took him to see a professional... 


When ALL of the ladies in the salon were finsihed laughing at me, we got down to business.  Seriously, I think one women laughed so hard she pissed herself. The lady who ended up cutting Ollie's hair said, "Um, I'm gonna have to use a number two blade to get rid of all of your bald spots. You really did on number on this boy's head!" Me: Yeah, whatever, just fix it... and if I knew what a number 2 blade was, I probably would not be here.  (I used my inside my head, voice.)

There are no photos of the lady shaving his head, because he was not happy about it.  Not crying, just not happy.  This is what we left with... High and Tight... and NOT impressed with any of it.


All I have to say is, thank God he can't talk yet,
because clearly I do not want to know what he is thinking.
 

LOOK AT MY BIG BOY!!



Lesson learned... 
My friends, think before you cut. Or at the very least, find some clippers first... and an awesome hat... to wear to the professional.


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April is an award-winning writer, blogger and proud debut novelist - The Devlyn Disguise. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more about April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com

14 comments:

Michelle Williams said...

Omg I love this!! I refuse to cut my little guys hair because I knooooow I'd totally mess it up. I don't even know how the stylists do it because he cries and screams and wiggles and fights the whole time he's getting his haircut!

Thanks for the laughs! Although I'm sure you're not laughing!

Heather Jones said...

Oh my goodness, I know how you feel. I totally butchered my daughters bangs when she was 2. There was no fixing them, they were even too short to clip back. It was awful. Although, seeing somebody else go through this is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh and letting me know I'm not the only one to do this!

Tasha said...

OMG! LOL! That is too funny! Haha he's still cute though! Glad it was fixable! Hehehehe!

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Heather Jones said...

Oh my goodness, I know how you feel! I totally butchered my daughters bangs when she was 2. There was no fixing them, they were too short to even clip back. I was reminded of my epic fail for months. It was pretty awful. Although, now watching somebody else do this is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh and helping me know I'm not the only one doing stuff like this!

It's why you like me said...

Haaa!!! Love it. Every time my kiddo needs a haircut I think that I should handle it myself. However, my fear that I will make him look like the creature from the black lagoon keeps me from pushing forward. Thanks for the laugh!!!

Stopped by from the Hump Day Hook Up

Jessika Kazaros said...

YES! That's awesome! LOL. Chase ducks his head everytime I bring the scissors forward, so I have to resort to holding pieces of hair and swooping in. Fortunately I gave up and just try my best to keep it off his ears and out of his eyes. As far as a professional? That would be smart, but I doubt he'd be up for it. Thank you so much for the morning laugh!

Anonymous said...

Oh man, April. First, I trimmed my son's bangs before his 1st birthday because they were in his eyes and I cried for days about it, that I cut his hair (even though it looked fine). It was totally irrational/weird! Haha. It had to be so hard to take Ollie to the salon, knowing they would laugh! Ouch. Seriously though, at least you didn't cut his bangs straight across and very short, right? And it was fixable. He looks handsome with this hair cut, even though that's not what you would have chosen. Here's to making sure momma's watch a few how-to you tube videos before cutting the kid's hair. Cheers. -- Amanda

Robin said...

I threaten to cut my kids hair when I feel like messing with them. Lets just say...therapeutically, you are not alone. Hahaha.

The Shitastrophy said...

He's so damn cute any haircut would look adorable on him. And don't worry - we have all done this with at least one child. I actually cut my sons neck with clippers trying to cut his hair. When I took him to the professional they informed me that is really hard to do.

The Mayor said...

awww sooo cute! The good news is it grows back! :) I did the same thing to my daughter when she was little - chopped her bangs so short she looked like one of the Beatles!

Amanda Jillian B said...

Yeah had the same thing. My boyfriend decided that he would buzz AJ's hair instead of me spending money. My ex used to do it too, so I said go for it. There's a few long hairs, no bald spots, it's short but dude his hair goes so fast it's already longer lol.

One Classy Motha said...

Oh geeeerl, that looked terrible! Thank goodness they were able to fix him up!
In other news, I gave Ana a mullet last Spring. Luckily, it ALMOST grew back in this summer. Her new hairdresser is hoping to have something she can "work with" by Christmas card season.

Tarana Khan said...

Oh, I can totally relate to this! The only difference is that I only ventured as far as above the ears. Since then we only go to the hairdresser though he kicks up a storm!

Jane said...

Ha, I did almost the same thing the first time I cut my sons hair. It will be short, it shouldn't be a problem, I told myself. I took him to my aunt afterward who used to cut hair when she was young. I was not going to take him in public after my major screwup.

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